Is there hope?

[scoobs7]

Kids are my priority through this.

After her talk, i did leave and take the dog for a walk. Then came back and spent some time with my son up stairs. Me and the mids then went out for a few hours, wandering around an old quarry.

When we came home w was up stairs watching tv, so i went outside. She made dinner and me and thge kids were talking about our walk. I think it stressed her out as she was quite sad after that, just mopping around the house for the rest of the night. Me and the kids were upstairs watching tv while she stayed downstairs.

Her going out and staying out doesnt affect me, its just uncomfortable when she is all happy and chatty when she comes in. It feels like she is goading me. But i just respond with short responses, not realky interested in what she is saying.

[Gordie]

Do not feel bad she is stressed out and sad

Let her deal with her own consequences

Assume kids know what mom is doing too

She is hurting you and them

There are consequences

You being uncomfortable means if does affect you

But maybe a lot less than it did me

I was repulsed and repelled

Do not let her goad you

Stay in control of you

[scoobs7]

Thanks for all your responses. They do help me dealing with this crazy time.

So todays antics.

W comes home from work and spends most her time in daughters room. Its my day to make dinner so i get to it and make a roast dinner for all of us. Everyone enjoys thier dinner.

So W parents ring on skype, she then retreats to her bedroom and closes the door. Finishes speaking to them and comes back out and sits at the dinning room table. I speak to my daughter and explain i may have a few trips planned in the next few months. When my business venture starts off.

So 20 minutes later the W comes in and says i need to give her notice if im planning any trips, i said off course i will give you plenty of notice. 10 minutes later she approaches me and says she is saving to get a bond for a rental, she also will be saving for furniture, i said she could take the stuff from down stairs, she just looks at me, then says i need a washing machine. Blah blah, blah. I said she could take the fridge and freezer from outside, she started getting a bit nasty, so i say, i dont think this is a good time to talk about this as D12 is about 2m away in bedroom with the door open, i said it is quite insensitive to the kids. She tells me f*** o** and storms off. I still stayed upbeat and pleasant after this. I think it does her head in, when i show it doesnt phase me.

And has been ignoring me for the rest of the night. I'm finding it quite comical some times.

Another day in paradise.

[kml]

You're interfering with her fantasy of buying all new stuff for her apartment. How dare you suggest she take some of the old stuff!

Now, I don't recall your financial situation, but don't hesitate to consult an attorney. A fair deal would be dividing possessions and assets, then new stuff that each of you buy is your own individual expense. What wouldn't be fair is for joint funds to be used towards buying her nice new stuff while you get the old stuff - unless that's what you wanted.

[Gordie]

Good job at being calm and detached

As kml notes this will really frustrate her

Expect serious escalation and button pushing

She will want to be back in control of you

When my w got to this phase

Everything was fair game

I was bad in bed

I was a terrible father

I was not a good provider

I was controlling

I was unsupportive

Etc etc etc

Reality had nothing to do with these complaints

But she tried everything to get me back under her control and apologizing

But I eventually stopped apologizing when I realized her complaints had nothing to do with me and the life we lived

I just listened and said nothing when I could

When I could not I said I am not participating in this discussion and left the room

[SBJ]

scoobs, as for the excitement of furnishing a new place, it's just like when you first get married. They are decorating a new place for a new life that is going to be totally perfect. It is a fantasy. Be careful with not letting her take or hide any joint money for the fantasy.

Mine had her mother wrapped around her finger and didn't take anything from the house except her personal clothing. Her mother furnished a new condo for her. Three bedrooms worth of new furniture. I guess they don't want anything that might remind them of their home or the spouse they are leaving behind. Like you, we had an extra sofa and chair, but also had en entire dining room set with a hutch that is never used. Now I'm selling that to make room for my pool table.

Keep up the good work and stay as positive as possible.

[scoobs7]

So I went and got legal advice today. She cannot sell the house as its in joint names. We cannot also start divorce proceedings until a year after the split. I now keep a diary of all her actions and strange behaviors towards me or the kids. The lawyer did say that I should tell her that she should be paying her half of the mortgage. But that would open up World war 3. But I will keep it in mind if she presses about money issues.

Nothing really to report last night, She asks me something, then just doesn't hang around for the response. But I'm pleasant and singing. Getting a life and playing soccer.

[scoobs7]

Spoke a bit soon. Come home from work and she tells me she is going out. But i have to give notice to her if i intend to go out. Your are all correct that its one rule for them and stringent rules for us LBS.

She says bye as she leaves and i say bye back in a cheerfull tone. She turns round and repeats my tone and ask why i was being like that. I just responded i was reading an email at the time, which i was.

[Gordie]

While you are still under the same roof

You may want to set a schedule for nights out

This way you do not have to discuss it

Unless it needs to change

Do not be the home body

Excellent job at being cheerful

It sure beats moping

[scoobs7]

I have preset nights that i go out. Which is a monday & wednesday.

But she did have a go at me about this, saying that she was my live in babysiter. Until i said that i was only picking 2 days out of the 7. The rest of the other days i enjoy spending with my kids. I do also go out on the rare friday. Maybe once a month. She can do what she likes, i have no expectations of her.

I'm finding this person quite amusing, shes a different person on a daily basis.

I also see her fantasy days when she goes out to be with other man all cheerfull and anxious or in a rush.