In almost 4 months W has not had a single word on why she left. In the mean time I've learned a ton about relationship dynamics all of which I had really no idea about prior to BD. So I have all of this information, much of which I can apply to myself right away to be better in a next relationship BUT I have this complete void in my current sitch.
Frustration/hurt are my main emotions these days. It takes alot to anger me which is perhaps a detriment to me in a relationship as it leads me to be perceived as too passive and the MR dynamics can get out of whack. I just don't understand W's complete silence on what happened. Thankfully I'm becoming better at resolving myself to acceptance I may never know. Accepting that is made easier by the fact that I know I did not leave and I have always been open to talking with her if/when she wanted. I am terribly hurt/sad about what has happened, but I know I can D with a clear conscience if that is the choice she makes. And I still have compassion for her even as she has anger towards me. I recognize that underneath she is afraid. Of what truly I have no idea...I just wish she could be vulnerable enough to talk with me. We have an amazing D who needs us both, even just for co-parenting we need much better communication for her sake at least.
Lastly, I am definitely not pushing off any emotion that hits me. I am going through whatever comes at me as it does which is why as you see in some of my posts I kinda all over the place. Again for that I beg everyone's pardon and sincerely thank you for all of the wonderfully kind support/knowledge you share with me.
