Advice on my Scenario Pt. 15-Lighthouse Guardsman

[OrangeK]

Feeling great about life. Seriously something happened in the last week or two.

IS this the "Ah-ha" moment?

1.) I have realized how long I was actually UNHAPPY with WW, i would have told you I was as happy as could be this time last year, but I wasnt. I was miserable. I can even recognize that i was blaming my misery on external factors, money, work, friends, when the real source of my unhappiness was my WIFE. The one person i thought at the time was perfect and blameless, who was already cheating on me.

2.) Wow. The energy you exude into the world really is what comes back. Since i have stopped wallowing in pity, all aspects of my life have improved.

3.) I have still had teeny flashes of something resembling missing her, but its not HER i miss, its just the feelings she produced when she was giving me the crumbs of attention.

4.) my largest bastion of negative emotion at this point is pity. I feel so bad she has to live her life like this.
I mentioned my "Fear" of her staying with OM forever, firstly, i am almost certain this wont happen. I am a man of science, she has established CONSISTENT patterns, the laws of probability and odds are very much against her. Secondly, If it were to, i know it would be an unfulfilling relationship based on a foundation of lies and misdirection. OM is a cheater, WW is a cheater. They deserve one another.
I know that the marriage WW and I could have had if she had the emotional maturity and correct personality traits to allow her to truly LOVE, it would have been an amazing MR.
However due to her condition, not only is she very very ill equipped to maintain an emotional and intimate relationship, the same traits cause her to have no ambition, no drive, she wont stick to any goal for long, she is lazy around the house, and creates problems where they dont need to be. Its all very self destructive, counter productive and sad.

I will wait, quietly and patiently, as i move on with my life, and hope that one day she will seek help.
I will be willing to help her when that time comes. She is my sons mother, and what we did share once, was for a time, even if doomed, loving and fun. We shared important life milestones. We made a child, we got married, we went on vacations, we went on a honeymoon. We planned and dreamed together, Maybe one day she will remember that and open up and tell me what went wrong. Maybe not. Either way, I wont abandon her to the wolves in her own mind, but she has to start fighting them off herself first.

I listed a lot of goals for myself, its time to focus on those.

I need to get back on a firetruck. Soon.

I think i am heading into the mountains tonight for a solo sunrise hike.
Its time, I've been wanting to for ages.

I'm gonna leave the last threads of my pain up there, absorb the beauty of nature and marvel at my insignificance in comparison to the world at large. Fill up on clean, morning air, and descend to truly start my new life.

I do NOT think it is a coincidence i have had these epiphanies right as Summer Solstice shows up. It is a time for new life, new love, growth and beauty.

"In the depths of Winter i finally learned that in me was an invincible Summer"
Albert Camus