I have struggled with this, hence my reasoning to re-read NMMNG, in the book the author refers to it as covert contracts.
Yes exactly! I couldn't remember the term, but Acc just posted it in someone else's thread.
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I stopped giving her foot massages, bringing her flowers/wine about 2 months ago, other than the one to two times she has straight asked for a massage.
Good, glad you are recognizing it and working on it.
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...and decided to try and follow LRT guidelines and Sandi's rules. ....Anyhow in the past 4-5 days she has aggressively pursued me.
Yeah that is exactly how i works. You stop pursuit and pull back and she quits running, and eventually may pursue you herself. Just be careful how you react. Do you know the squirrel analogy? If you are feeding a wild squirrel you hold the nut out and remain perfectly still. They will VERY SLOWLY approach, but if you make any ANY movement to try and close the gap it sends them scurrying off again and the process starts all over. But eventually if you have the patience to hold perfectly still, the squirrel will finally reach you.
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W: I feel like you are not in to me. I don't think you are attracted to me anymore, I have really been questioning if you might be seeing someone else.
Classic temperature check! Wants to make sure you are hanging on as Plan B. I didn't post the rest of your convo in here but I will say your responses were pretty good although not 100% validation which is what this situation called for. I'd say maybe 75% validation and 25% pursuit, especially this:
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I still hold hope we will figure it out.
So try and check comments like that. Stick to validation- understanding her feelings, being empathetic.
In general that was a great post, it sounds like you have made some awesome progress in the last few weeks!!
