a few weeks before she moves and while I am scared I am also positive that we can make it work.
We are doing a lot better but part of me is sad that we have to deal with this huge distance between us but perhaps this will allow us to truly work on ourselves.
There are moments that I turn to the old Tobias and get defensive. But I need to recognize this move isn't easy for her and she is working on herself.
Oh one weird thing happened that I cannot wrap my head around. From the interactions with the expert I thought he would diagnose me with anxiety but when we met in MC our IC (both couples and individual) she seemed to suggest it was autism. The actual report confirmed my own perception. So I am not sure what happened but in the end it doesn't matter.
The other day we had tickets for a comedy show and I got anxious that unless we went to eat at the place we wouldn't make it in time so I essentially blurted out let's just eat there when my W suggested we look around. Of course the food was expensive and not good so I felt like a jackass and I also felt my W kept pushing when I said sorry the food wasn't good and she said this is why I said let's look around.
I know I need to change that about myself.
We keep telling each other that we are shocked how much we grew in a year together and while the wound that she cheated is still there it is less about the sex she had than that she couldn't be honest with me when I asked her so I had to go snooping after I had a bad gut feeling and seeing her in serious distress. I also hate that she felt trapped and controlled and was essentially biding her time so that she could escape. She seems hurt that I think she might do that again but is also sad and ashamed as to what she put me through. I believe her and trust her but something did get changed that I cannot dismiss.
