W rushing thru D, help

[sandi2]

Yes, WW's want their cake. In this case, I suspect she wants to keep you attached as a best friend. The H's idea of the friendship vs the WW's idea.....doesn't work. He reads the friendship as being the road back to MR. WW's take advantage and use the friendship like a tool to benefit what ever she wants in the moment.

When I look at what has been working to break down her wall it has been communication but obviously not working that well because she wants to sign divorce papers in 3 days

I suspect she was controlling this communication situation more than you realized. She was pulling you in, and had the D papers ready to sign before you knew what hit you.

IMHO, trying to have a warm, empathetic, open communication with a WW, is like trying to pet a rattle snake. It's best if you just leave it alone and let the snake be on its way.

Anyways, I've its been suggested that I do a 180 and go into the divorce meetings content and confident to move on.

I agree, b/c there is nothing that you can tell her that is going to stop it.

I know in your postings you suggest tough love when it comes to WAW, any suggestions on how to go about my situation?? I plan on going dark as soon as we sign the papers...

I agree that you should go dark. That means you will not be available to her. No more answering her text messages. No more meeting up with her, recuing her, being her BFF, etc. Don't be face book friends or any of that stuff. Don't show up at events you know she'll be attending. Don't try to keep contact with her family/friends. Let her experience life without seeing or hearing from you. She needs to have the feeling that you have vanished from her life. MWD talks about the last resort after the LRT, and I believe it is the true definition of going completely dark.

Warning....this is totally opposite of what your emotions will dictate. However, you cannot live your life expecting to hear from her saying she has changed her mind. It may take her years to work through her issues. She may get remarried. Who knows? She's going to do what she wants to do, and you need to be far out of the way or you will get hurt over & over again.

Move forward building a life without her. If you want to cling to the hope that maybe some day she will change and want to be your W....that's okay. Just understand that it's not going to happen in the next few weeks, or months. (((hugs))) I'm speaking realistically. I cannot tell people to keep hanging in there when I know the WW has to go through a process of her own. Do I believe she can go through therapy and there could be a future for the two of you? It's possible. I just don't think it is healthy to put your life on hold, waiting for it to happen.

I'm sorry if I'm not encouraging. You asked, so this is me telling you how to implement tough love. When D papers are signed, then going dark is the only effective thing left to do, IMHO.