Detachment and mutual friends

[kiro]

Vinny, I hear you. There are some similarities with my situation. I think you already know the answer to your question. You have to face the fact that things have changed and are not what they used to be. Acceptance is one of the toughest parts of this process. Once you really accept that in your heart and in your mind, then you will be able to start your journey.

Once you have accepted, then you have to face the reality that your life has taken a different path, one that you have not chosen, but that you have to embrace. Your social life will change. The way you spend your time will change. The people in your life will change. I am not suggesting that you forget all your current friends. But you have to expand your social network and the way you spend your week-ends and your free nights.

Trying to hold on to your current lifestyle is like trying to hold on to your wife and is contrary to the idea of detaching. My suggestion is that you stop going to these events when you know that your wife will be there. She can take the kids if they want go, but you should spend that time to GAL. If your wife is not going, you can attend a few of these events but not all of them.

There will come a time when you will be ready to show up even when your wife is there, but from what I'm reading you're not ready yet. You need to be the best you can be in her presence, but you need to be calm, confident and detached. Like you said, continuing to go now is just delaying the process of detachment for you.

Also once you GAL and start doing new things and meeting new people, you will become much more interesting to her and to your mutual friends. When you will go to some of these events, you will have your own stories to tell that will show her that you are detached and ready to move on with or without her. Continuing to go now to all events is probably sending her the message that you have no life other than being with her and that you cannot move on without her.

My 2 cents!