Afraid of the dark PART 3

[Ste7e]

Been feeling pretty down and confused this morning
Had a really good day yesterday which maybe is why I am down today
Up down up down
Curious how many on here have come back from the point of filing for D

[Ste7e]

Oh man ok so the D papers got emailed to me just now
Not sure how to proceed
It is an amicable split so do I need a Lawyer
Reason given is conflict of personalities and no means for rec
This hurts alot

[TBSakaJ9]

Sorry dude, just went through this a few months back. You have to do what you feel is right, it is a business decision now. If you are not comfortable with it then I would first go back to your W and let her know you would like to make some changes. If she says "no" then you need to decide if it is financially worth it to get a L involved. If so then do it.

I would try to work it out with your W first. If it is fair and amicable and you really are ok with it then IMO no need.

I didn't consult or use a L for my D

[Vanilla]

Oh man ok so the D papers got emailed to me just now
Not sure how to proceed
It is an amicable split so do I need a Lawyer
Reason given is conflict of personalities and no means for rec
This hurts alot

You probably need advice from an L after that you choose whether to use an L or not.

But ask the questions and know the answers.

My thoughts

V

[Ste7e]

Really fuming right now just got on social media and W posted a picture of her wasted at a party being held up by three guys...yes she filed on Monday for D but this reads as Wayward as can be...just because she had respect to not go all out until she filed it reads as if she was just waiting.
I am really pissed off right now I am really feeling duped and taken advantage of.
Yeah I know just become the better me but that doesnt make me feel better about the sitch
Help please
Please I am hurting

[Ste7e]

Haha I totally overeacted realized that it was an old photo of friends I know ha
Glad I didnt react and glad that I knew to come here and post and await a response
I am bummed that I had such a response jealousy is natural in such a sitch I guess I would like to know how others have dealt with it
I also really want to trust my W even if it means that she cant be with me, the idea of being lied to is a big issue for me

[RR17]

Steve, all your last several posts indicate your need for detachment.

Read about enmeshment and detachment and Differentiation of self. Three complicated subjects along with boundaries that are not easily fully understood and even harder to master.

Imagine you are dealing with a stranger and how their actions really wouldn't matter. I know she is no stranger and it does matter. But we all need to approach these now strangers with better-developed autonomy.

It helps us heal and hopefully the MR.

[Davide]

Hey Ste7e,

How you doing? I hope all is well out in Cali.

[Ste7e]

Man I am doing really well in Cali
I honestly dont want to leave and never go back home
But I have alot of responsabilities back home to deal with also burning through money wish I would have drove
I still have several more weeks out here and may prolong my trip maybe go to Oregon for a bit too
Been thinking alot about what I want to do for work when I get back home
I guess the best part of this trip so far is realizing my peter pan syndrome is being worn off and I am getting stronger everyday and prepping myself for my adult life
Still wish my W was part of it Im sure we all do
Its so frustrating as I am make such huge changes in my life which just go unrecognized oh well

[Vanilla]

The key thing is you are making the changes to shift!

Change changes back, shift is permanent.

You Do this for you it's called adulting, switching to knowing you at the driver of your life, where you know your emotions.

V