Is there hope?

[scoobs7]

I did try it on google chromd on the iphone. Dont think there was any special characters in the first post. The 2nd did not have anything.

Can anyone get the 1st one back

[DnJ]

Thanks for all your advice.

The W cannot afford to live in this house on her own. She does not earn enough.

I will start the process and get legal advice over the next few weeks.

After the situation setled down a bit, she was talking and saying she is worried about her future. She was also confused and said she felt like, but paused a didnt know what to say. So i said *running* she said yes, she felt like running.
She also said she felt like jumping off a bridge, which i daid ghat is no way to speak. She said she wasnt selfish enough to do that because of the kids.

Larer on, she then asks if it ok to go out on friday (to other man). I told her that she has to do what she wants, i have no control over you.

Not doing too well this morning. Im finding it hard to detach. I searched threads and read articles, but i cannot seem to find something that sinks in to help me.

[DnJ]

Hello scoobs7.

I found that the quote, colon, and apostrophe cause problems. Your first post had quotes, second an apostrophe. If I avoid those characters my posts work fine. It may also work for you.

A few days ago I posted about my detachment on my thread. It took me months for detachment to finally take hold. Be patient it takes time. Detachment is a personal process, and not one size fits all. You will find your way.

[scoobs7]

Thanks Dnj.

Was you still living in the same house together.

[DnJ]

We has been separated since BD.

Did that make it easier? I am not sure, I did not experience having a live in MLCer. You would think it would be easier, not having her come and go. However, the lack of her presence, the emptiness, it never ceases - a nonstop reminder, a constant reinforcement to attachment.

I found I needed to heal quit a bit before I could figure out how to let go.

I needed time to learn how to accept what was happening, to stop struggling against it.

It is so very difficult. Keep at it. You will find peace.

[job]

Please listen to DnJ about the missing postings.

Please do not use the quote, colon and apostrophe or any special characters. We are discovering that these items are hitting the glitch in the system and thus...missing postings.

Also, moderators are not here 24/7, so be patient if your postings disappear...we will come around when we are here and restore them for you. I want to thank those who helped you out by copying your missing posts for you.

[scoobs7]

So the W stays out all night (at other mans) and comes home at 9am the next day. Says good morning to the kids and then comes and sits on the sofa with me. All happy and asking me how the night was with the kids. Then saying my traininers that i was wearing are all the fashion now and some other conversation.

Im thinking its wierd behavior because she knows that i know where she goes. Am i correct in thinking this?
If i was sane i would feel guilty and try and avoid the other spouse.

This is the 2nd week in the row she has done this and acted the same way.

All part and parcel of MLC?

[job]

Yep, it is all part of the MLC parcel. She reminds me of someone who is sitting down have a chat w/her father, not her husband. In her mind, she sees nothing wrong w/what she is doing. You have to try to remember that, in her mind, she left the marriage about 18-24 months ago and a divorce is just a piece of paper to her.

Her empathy chip is broken and right now, she may feel a little bit guilty, but I would venture to say that the "chat" was to take a temperature check to see where you were at w/her going out all night as well.

You are not able to rationalize w/an irrational person because their vision is completely tunnel vision at the moment and it is all about them and only them.

Keep the focus on you and your children as much as possible.

[Gordie]

I have been where you are

You can only control you

Yes my w thought she could do this and we could still be friends even friends with benefits

I told her that I had no interest in that and it hurt too much

Basically I went in house NC during this period

Inside I fluctuated between anger and despair

But I had to be strong for my kids

W was just a stranger to me

Besides logistics related to kids

We had nothing to discuss

At first she wanted to tell me about her exploits

I had to be very firm that I had no interest in her activities with OMs

When she would try to tell me things it hurt too much

I could not listen and validate

I just ended the conversation to protect myself

This was hard

Very hard

It is soul crushing

So please take care of yourself

No one else is taking care of you

[Gordie]

I said in a prior post

Develop your own script

I am not good at improv

I have to practice my lines

Try this

She comes home at 9am and tries to sit down with you

You get up without saying anything

She says what is wrong with you

You say nothing

She says can we not be friends for the kids sake

You say it hurts too much right now to be friends

And then you walk out of the room

That was my script

Develop your own