Thank you so much for the comments. They are very insightful and useful! I should learn better how to interact with my W now as her mind set is very different from what I used to know. I think I have been following my instincts too much on this matter rather than my rational part. I have been talking to IC to sort out my certain behaviors and patterns. I never did this before. Now I find it an effective way to look into the rear viewing mirror and evaluate myself. I realized the main obstacle in this battle is really myself. If I can successfully control my emotions, things will be much easier and would not have gone thus far.
IC suggests to earn W back by love. IC's point is that W's love tank has been empty, thus I should try my best to fill it. Not sure if this conflicts with the general DB approach here. The 180s and validations are consistent with IC's suggestion, but in order to "fill her love tank", I will inevitably be chasing. I guess it's not the time yet. W doesn't need my love for now, she needs time and space.
Tonight W brought up the repeated topic that we are bad parents again. She said we should've not gotten the child (because we are not good enough). This is her general attitude, passive and self blame. The new thing is she starts blaming now as well. I responded saying that the statement she made was not fair to our S, to me, and especially to herself, that she has been a wonderful mom (she truly was). She nodded and said she can't be (a good mom) anymore. She said we didn't balance well when our S arrived about our roles. I responded saying it's a learning process and we are improving.
You see the conversation was quite representitive of what she has been saying since the BD. She somehow believes she can no longer serve as a good mother, and is no longer suitable for family life. She wants to be single (or alone). She accuses me of being a bad father, but she accuses herself too. She clearly realize what she is doing is not good, and our R is out of norm. But she refuses or is unable to make change. Is this typical for WAW?
H: 31 W:31 M: 6 T: 10 S: 4 BD: 12/2017 In house separation: 12/2017
