Advice for newcomer pre- bomb drop.

[Bern19]

OK, well that was short lived....

Went out tonight with the family for dinner. Then went to the store to shop. Was having a great time, joking, laughing, etc. until the ride home. Wife mentions having to haggle with the customer service dept about a return because one of the boys had taken the tags off a shirt before trying it on but then it didn't fit. Store agreed to take it back anyways and then she mentions that she returned a pack of socks too. I said "not the black ones?" She said yes. I said that surprises me because I had taken a pair out of the pack. She got all fired up, "Why would you do that? I said I was going to return those!" I asked her why she was so upset. "Did they say anything to you about it?" She said "no, but they could have." "That doesn't even matter, that was just pure laziness! Instead of bending over to get a pair out of the laundry basket, it's was easier to just open the pack I said not too!" First I'm thinking why are you so upset about this, and why are you yelling at me? Then it hit me... She just called me lazy in front of our kids! Unfortunately i didn't handle it well. I didn't get mouthy or continue with the conversation, I just shut up and sat there quietly. I'm not saying I wasn't upset, I was, but I'm sure it showed. That is one i'm going to have to work on. I realized i missed an opportunity to set a boundary and was probably more upset about that missed opportunity.

In my defense, While she was gone on vacation, I spent every night after work busting my butt on a new project at home. I was so busy that I forgot to dry my laundry one night and didn't have any socks to wear to work. That's why I took a pair of socks. So to be accused of being lazy really hurt my feelings.

I'll admit to not doing a very good job of validating her feelings, but it was because I was so focused on the opportunity to set a boundary. I shouldn't have to deal with her being disrespectful towards me in front of the kids. I can't make her respect me, but she should not be influencing my kids to disrespect me.

I tried to explain myself later that night in bed, when she asked what was bothering me, but she still didn't see that she had done anything wrong. I'll admit to not doing a very good job of validating her feelings, but it was because I was so focused on the opportunity to set a boundary. I shouldn't have to deal with her being disrespectful towards me in front of the kids. I can't make her respect me, but she should not be influencing my kids to disrespect me. She just rolled over with her back to me and hasn't spoken to me since.

I know better than to expect an apology from her. She's terrible at it (think the Fonz with blond hair). She's just very bad at admitting to being wrong. That's not something new.

So we'll see how long before she puts this one behind her and starts acting like nothing happened. My guess is it will be once I start acting like nothing happened, just like every other argument we've ever had.

So is that what I do? Just act like nothing happened? Take the fact that I got a chance to set a boundary and be happy with that?

Thoughts?