Advice on my Scenario Pt. 15-Lighthouse Guardsman

[OrangeK]

My .02 cents on the whole lying about the pregnancy?

You say she is a master manipulator. However, the only person who believed her was you. It seems as if everyone else saw through her. You defended her. So, she was only good at manipulating you.

Of course, because you loved her and didt want to believe anything bad. The question is why did you believe her and no one else and defend her to the bone?

A lot of people did not mention the pregnancy, and their suspicions of it until after BD and Affair. That being said, to answer your question, I believed her because she built my trust up, she went out of her way to make sure i knew she was there for me more than anyone else. Her Love Bombing was THAT effective. She knew ahead of time I wanted love, its part of why she selected me. She expressed strong emotion in regards to the first pregnancy, and was very convincing with her story of the BC Pills, and what OB/GYN had told her to do. Who was i to gainsay the word of her OBGYN? The only people that had brought it up to me during the pregnancy was my brother and a few close friends. She had already strongly triangulated my brother and I against each-other, so i took his suspicions as spite. My close friends mentioned it once, then i explained the story she had given me, and they took my/our word for it and never brought it up again. "Oh well not my business" kind of thing.
Her and I even joked around about how "Hyper Fertile" i must have been to beat the 0.02% of BC Pill Failure. I went around for months joking about that, and was parroting the BC Pill Story to anyone who would ask about the pregnancy. I found out later that she had been excitedly telling her friends about feeling him move several months before i saw the bump and found out, she knew the whole time.

I can speak from personal experience. There were other women exH lied to me about when we were dating. My friends knew he was lying. Everyone knew. But all I had to hear him say was I didnt do it. That was enough for me! WHy? Well, therapy and facing reality told me why. Because I was just about in the most awful place in my life when I met him. I couldnt bear to lose him. So I believed what I wanted to. I wouldnt have told you that back then, but I know I did it now.

Similar situation, except that for me, she came in to my life when i was at a lonely spot, and came in like the most loving, amazing, caring, sexual and beautiful woman i could have ever imagined. I fell SO HARD SO FAST, as was her plan and design.
You could have shown me HARD EVIDENCE she was a murderer and I wouldn't have believed it. I was SO wrapped up in being infatuated and madly in love i was blind to reality, this persisted even through my suspicions leading up to Affair exposure, I REFUSED to believe she could be cheating, lying, etc.
Which is why i was SO RAW and BLINDSIDED when the WHOLE truth finally came out.

Usually there is a reason why we trust those who arent trustworthy. Why we choose to believe them when those we love and are close to us tell us otherwise. And maybe our gut tells us not to trust either. But we do it because....

See above.

What made you trust her more than your family and friends who didn't believe her after knowing her for a short time?

Again, see above.
it only took her 3 months or so to convince me she had my best interests at heart and understood me better than anyone else in my life.

Were you terrified to lose her? if so, then why?

Losing her didnt even cross my mind, consciously. I was 110% convinced, right up until October Affair Exposure (even through all of 2017 when my Gut KNEW Something was very off, i couldn't identify what it was though. she was just growing distant, cold and quiet, in reality she was growing to despise me, and eventually feel like she was cheating on OM with me) that she would never cheat, lie or otherwise mistreat me. I thought we would be married, and in love forever, we had only been married less than a year, i was still on cloud 99.
Once i knew she was slipping away, i WAS terrified, sometimes i still am.
I believe i am co-dependent to a potentially self harming level.
I still feel like less than 100% as a single man.
I had been searching for love, and she knew it, and part of why she chose me. I was lonely. From age 18-23 i had another relationship with a pretty toxic person, and was left very abruptly by her as well, and i had a hard time bouncing back from that much more minor breakup. I thrive when I am being loved, and i know i need to work on this. I should be thriving regardless of my relationship status.
I am a romantic, I love to love, and be loved.
I used to look forward to doting on her so much, i loved doing it.
Eventually her lack of object constancy spelled doom to our MR, no matter how much i would have poured admiration and attention on her. Once she detected any flaws and saw me as an imperfect human, it became a reflection of her very flawed self image, an i was all the sudden painted black, flawed, broken, boring and wrong.

This is where you begin to be honest with yourself. Being brutually honest with myself was the hardest part of this process but very relieving when you put the pieces together.


Instead of wasting so much energy trying to figure out why she did what she did, you would be much better served trying to figure out why you did what you did. Why you jumped in so fast, why you trusted her so explicitly when she really didnt give you any reason to. Why you defended her so hard when your family could see right through her.

I think you'll find some personal honesty and explanations to this above.

time to get to the bottom of why Orange K does what he does instead of why she does what she does.

I am co-dependent, probably some self esteem issues myself, i am empathic and easy to become trusting, vulnerable to letting my guard down too early with someone who is showing me intense love.
I allowed these traits to blind me to red flags, not see the manipulation and triangulation that was taking place, and place my trust in untrustworthy sources.
This painful, marathon of hell has taught me SO MUCH about myself, what i deserve, what i dont, and what my strengths and weaknesses are.

These are all topics i will be discussing with a new IC when i get one.