Is there hope?

[scoobs7]

Thanks job.

I think if we sold the house we may have a loss.

Hearing her mother say the same thing has hit me for 6. She has been very good to me.

I did say that it was her decision if she left, im not forcing her out the door. If she leaves, i will probably have to give her 1/2 the contents.

She was doing all this while the kids were in the other room. They could both probably hear her. She has also akded D12, if she would stay with mum if she had her own house. I think this is bad, bringing the kids into it.

Later she insults my mother, so i left her there. Went back after i cooled down and asked for an apollogy. Got a very stubborn one.

Then she started shouting that its all about me and saying that i used to call her sister over.

She then locks herself in her room crying.

Im just lost. This is nuts, i think i need her to leave.

[SBJ]

You are right and it is nuts.

Mine actually said she was filing and that she was sure that I could find a nice place not far away. I think she was shocked, like yours, when I told her I wanted to keep the house. I guess in a way, I said it in hopes she would stay, but it didn't work. With the help of her mother, she found a nice condo and had enough room for our 2 youngest. I, on the other hand, kept the house and have my oldest with me 24/7 plus 3 dogs and 2 cats, all of which were purchased by the ex. In our decree, I also get my youngest 50 percent of the time.

There is no making sense of what they do or think and there is no way of knowing how long they will be in the fog. Just remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Just because they move out or sign D papers, doesn't mean that it is the end.

[DnJ]

Your W is very confused.

If you want to keep the house, then keep the house. I would let her make her own decision on if and when she leaves.

Be careful with the idea of having to give her half of the stuff. You can if you want too, but you do not have too - not until an agreement is in place. Remember you will have two kids, a house, and yourself to look after.

My point is you need to see a L, to understand your options, rights, and responsibilities. It is just information, you do not need to set anything in motion if you choose not to.

I felt terrible going to the L and discussing separation. Looking back it was most needed, I had no knowledge or experience in these matters and required guidance.

Getting legal council will quiet some of the questions and fears of what will happen, give you a more firm ground on which to stand.

Keep the focus on you and the kids.

Hang in there.

[Gordie]

Agree with all of the above especially seeing a L

Here is my additional advice

W insisted I leave many times

And every time it cut like a knife

Over time I developed my own script and became externally unflappable even if inside I was dying

My script

If we are getting divorced

I do not want this house

I will leave if that is what we legally agree to

Until that time I refuse to abandon our children



Come up with your own script

And stick to it

[DnJ]

That is great advice Gordie.

[kml]

If you want and can afford the house, and if it's underwater so there would be a loss if it sold, then keep the house. (Don't keep it if it's a bad investment however). You will need to be able to refinance it in your name only eventually and take her off the mortgage. If you are financially able to do that, then yes, keep the house.

Now, if she is in the same financial position and would be able to keep the house yourself you might have a fight on your hands over it, but doesn't sound like she wants that.

I agree with others that you should consult an attorney if you haven't already. You need to get a clear idea of what you financial picture might look like after divorce, what your rights are, and how you might negotiate with her once the time comes. You also can get some information from them about how to protect your assets. Until you have some formal paperwork, as long as she's living in the house, I think any new debts she incurs become joint debts in most places.

My mantra would be - "You know I don't want a divorce but I won't stand in your way if you feel you have to leave".

[kml]

Oh - and you might look up comps to your house, calculate selling costs, and do a spreadsheet that shows there would be a loss if sold - which SHE would have to pay half of. That might sober her up about selling.

[kml]

Correction:
Now, if she is in the same financial position and would be able to keep the house herself you might have a fight on your hands over it, but doesn't sound like she wants that.

[Gordie]

Use no special characters

[Gordie]

Try a different browser