You cannot change the past, do not dwell on it too much. Learn from it, but self-blame will not help you move forward. Maybe she is done, maybe she is not. Do not take everything she says 100% seriously right now as far as when she says things that are absolute negatives like that.

M: 40 W: 37
T: 20 MR: 13
S13, S9, S4
BD: 1/29/18
Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out)
8/24/18 I come home, she moves out

If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.