I get what you're saying. I mean I'm sure you would love for her to have to feel some repercussions from her actions, but on the other hand what would those be that would bring you any kind of peace?
Yea, honestly. It would. She has had other people take care of her her whole life, between Intimate partners and her parents, she has never had to take responsibility for her actions. Ever. She needs a reality check. She needs to have a reason to FINALLY put on her big girl pants for once and see how the actually feel. I dont want it for my satisfaction, she needs the reality check to grow. It may never happen, but its what i feel needs to happen.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
There was another guy here, this was many years ago so I'm sorry but I have no idea his handle anymore, but his W was similar to yours in that it seemed like she had some kind of mental disorder. She left him and he did all the right things as far as DB'ing and giving her time and space. I think they did end up divorced, but he would come back now and then with updates that her fling with OM was not working out like she had hoped and that she seemed to be struggling trying to find direction. Then one day he popped in to report that she had killed herself. It certainly did not bring him closure, or any kind of sense of relief or any feeling that he had "won".
This is a serious fear of mine. People with cluster B personality disorders are something like 60% more likely to commit suicide. It would be horrid for S3, i DO NOT want WW harmed, or hurt. This would be devastating.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
I promise you your W is not happy with her life and feeling like she's been victorious over you. She's a mess, and if she doesn't eventually get help there's no telling what her path is.
Just to play the devils advocate, what makes you so sure of this? i dont disagree at all, i am convinced she lives, and has lived since well before we met, in a perpetual state of anxiety, self loathing and guilt. Just curious what you have read that makes you so confident she is a mess behind the mask
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Make a written list of the things you want. Ask yourself if you can get those from W. If not, then ask yourself what changes you need to make to get on the path of achieving everything you want and leave her in your dust. Keep that list and look at it now and then.
List of what i want.
Love, Real unconditional love - I dont think WW is at all capable of this, with me or anyone else. Shame.
A team-mate, someone to support me while i support her - WW did a good job pretending at this for a long time, but it wasnt genuine. She was only proud of things i did that she could boast about.
An actual sex life - She was AMAZING at first in bed, i actually think she is somewhat asexual. She seems to get far more out of the attention, admiration and control she gets out of using sex to her advantage. I think she likes the thrill of a one night stand too. Again, it was all part of the act. When i was "locked in" for her, the sex became very routine and boring, unless she had been drinking a bit. That makes me remember her trying to justify / explain the affair when she was still claiming it was a one night stand, "You KNOW how i get when i am drunk!" Gross.
Honesty and Faithfulness - I was SO CONVINCED WW would never cheat on me, lie to me and so any of the things she has done, so good is her ability to act and convince. She has shattered my ability to trust. I need that back.
Financial security and a Plan for growth - i wanted to buy a house, save money, grow, provide for S3 and so much more. We talked about houses we liked but it never went further than that, She never combined accounts, shared finances, or even changed her address to where we were living. it was always her mothers address. Sketchy.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
WHO CARES whether she thinks she won or not, except maybe her. And if she does think that way, then how petty is she.
You are right there, and im sure she has been including that in her smear campign. "My ex is so dumb, look at how much hes messing this all up!! what a dummy!" She's Sad.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
[quote=OrangeK Honesty and Faithfulness - I was SO CONVINCED WW would never cheat on me, lie to me and so any of the things she has done, so good is her ability to act and convince. She has shattered my ability to trust. I need that back.
[/quote]
I have got to ask. How were you so convinced your wife would never cheat on you or lie to you when she hid a pregnancy from you?
Being bitter is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
I agree. It has been a frikkin burden. the weight of hatred, and resentment is awful. Im just trying to get these dark thoughts and bitter feelings the EFF out. they are rooted in my grey matter like a 400 year old Willow.
I have had very very dark thoughts about her an OM. When i start going down this path mentally, i honestly contemplate the philosphies of the Jedi and the Sith.
I know its a bit childish of a reference to make, but i have read A LOT of the Star Wars novels, and the conflict of these 2 ideologies is a strong theme between all the books.
"Fear is the path to the Dark Side, Fear leads to Anger, Anger Leads to Hate, Hate leads to SUFFERING" - Yoda.
"You will know Good from Bad when you are at calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses The Force for Knowledge and Defense. Never attack." Yoda
The Jedi Code: There is no emotion, There is Peace. There is no ignorance, There is Knowladge. There is no Passion, There is serenity. There is no chaos, There is Harmony. There is no Death, There is The Force.
This is the Philosphy i try to embrace, as i fight the easy, fast and dark path that is so appealing in the throws of my anger.
The Sith Code:
Peace is a Lie, there is only Passion Through passion i gain Strength. Through Strength i gain Power. Through Power i gain Victory. Through Victory, my chains are broken. The Force Shall Free Me.
--------------
Thank you for tolerating the musings of a Nerd in Pain. May the Force be with you all.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I have got to ask. How were you so convinced your wife would never cheat on you or lie to you when she hid a pregnancy from you?
That's a damn fine question.
I believed the story she told me regarding the pregnancy, all the way up till 6 months ago honestly. Here is what i was given as an explanation when i found out she was 6 months pregnant in October of 2014, by seeing the bump, not because she told me she was preg. She wore the right clothes all summer to hide it, friends were suspicious for months. I was blind to what i saw everyday.
"My OB/GYN has had me skipping the placebo at the end of the pill cycle that usually triggers my period, i was having really awful period symptoms so she told me to do that and it would help. It has helped, but it made it so i don't get my period, So i never noticed missing one! I was never morning sick, or anything, and I just went to the Dr. 2 weeks ago when i became suspicious i might be pregnant, and i was. I have only known for 2 weeks, and ive been scared to tell you!"
I got ANGRY with friends and family when they suggested she knew about it, and didnt tell me. Many people told me it was obvious. I refused to believe them, i believed her. She was my fiance, my rock, the love of my life. She did such a good job wrapping me around her finger, she could not be gainsaid in my mind. I defended her Lie with fervent zealously, How dare anyone speak ill of my sweet, amazing woman? She was incabable of any wrongdoing. Ginger, THAT is HOW GOOD she is at manipulating people. It drove my brother insane, he tried to convince me she was up to no good for 4.5 years out of 5 i was with WW. I pushed him away and alienated him for this (all part of her Triangulation Plan)
Never again will i trust anyone before my blood.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I have got to ask. How were you so convinced your wife would never cheat on you or lie to you when she hid a pregnancy from you?
That's a damn fine question.
I believed the story she told me regarding the pregnancy, all the way up till 6 months ago honestly. Here is what i was given as an explanation when i found out she was 6 months pregnant in October of 2014, by seeing the bump, not because she told me she was preg. She wore the right clothes all summer to hide it, friends were suspicious for months. I was blind to what i saw everyday.
"My OB/GYN has had me skipping the placebo at the end of the pill cycle that usually triggers my period, i was having really awful period symptoms so she told me to do that and it would help. It has helped, but it made it so i don't get my period, So i never noticed missing one! I was never morning sick, or anything, and I just went to the Dr. 2 weeks ago when i became suspicious i might be pregnant, and i was. I have only known for 2 weeks, and ive been scared to tell you!"
I got ANGRY with friends and family when they suggested she knew about it, and didnt tell me. Many people told me it was obvious. I refused to believe them, i believed her. She was my fiance, my rock, the love of my life. She did such a good job wrapping me around her finger, she could not be gainsaid in my mind. I defended her Lie with fervent zealously, How dare anyone speak ill of my sweet, amazing woman? She was incabable of any wrongdoing. Ginger, THAT is HOW GOOD she is at manipulating people. It drove my brother insane, he tried to convince me she was up to no good for 4.5 years out of 5 i was with WW. I pushed him away and alienated him for this (all part of her Triangulation Plan)
Never again will i trust anyone before my blood.
Ginger, I VERY much look forward to your $0.02 on this. Sandi/Vanilla too. This is actually something ive been wanting to bring up again, thank you for mentioning it Ginger.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
