It's less of a "She is winning i am losing" factor, than it is a "She did all these horrible things, and has had to suffer ZERO consequences, setbacks or karma/justice because of it" While i, having done all i could to be a good husband and father, faithful, providing, caring and present, have had nothing but low blows, getting screwed over by the bias court system, pain, misery and slander. Plus she has been able to dictate how most of this has gone due to the Rest. Order that she A. doesnt seem to comprehend the scope of, and 2.) she seems to take pleasure in throwing in my face.
Its the fact that she did all the bad things and is seemingly benefiting from it, all the while having no remorse or a care in the world the pain and hurt she has caused S3 and myself, the 2 people she was supposed to truly love and care for. coupled with the fact that I did everything i believe to be right, fair, honest and just, and have gotten nothing but heartbreak and financial destruction for my efforts.
the sheer unfairness and injustice of it makes me sick.
The fact that she doesnt care a wink, makes me sicker.
The only factor of relief i have is the fact that deep down, beneath her facade i believe she is very emotionally damaged, no self esteem, constant fear of others opinions, and being abandoned. This gives me no joy. I did love this woman and do not want her to live with the gaping black hole inside her that i know Narcissism produces. I want her to heal, and be content and happy. While at the same time, i am so angry and bitter towards her for all she has done, which was all premeditated and planned. She was mistreated as a child, and had no choice in her development of a personality disorder, she is broken, and i cannot imagine living life the way she does, constantly concerned with others, seeming superior, wearing the mask and so on. It must be exhausting, and soul crushing. Until she sees wahts wrong and seeks help, she will have to live like that forever, and i know the world of hurt OM is in for in the next few years, its inevitable. I just feel awful that S3 will be hurt when OM gets the boot.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
