I didnt say anything about me Living a good life with my son being attributed to my feeling of "letting her win". I feel like its letting her win to simply sit back and do nothing, and walk on eggshells so i dont incur her wrath any further than i already have. It feels defeatist.
I get what you're saying. I mean I'm sure you would love for her to have to feel some repercussions from her actions, but on the other hand what would those be that would bring you any kind of peace? There was another guy here, this was many years ago so I'm sorry but I have no idea his handle anymore, but his W was similar to yours in that it seemed like she had some kind of mental disorder. She left him and he did all the right things as far as DB'ing and giving her time and space. I think they did end up divorced, but he would come back now and then with updates that her fling with OM was not working out like she had hoped and that she seemed to be struggling trying to find direction. Then one day he popped in to report that she had killed herself. It certainly did not bring him closure, or any kind of sense of relief or any feeling that he had "won". I promise you your W is not happy with her life and feeling like she's been victorious over you. She's a mess, and if she doesn't eventually get help there's no telling what her path is. The thing is, you can't do anything. She doesn't want your help or suggestions. All you can do is focus on you and let her path lead her wherever it does. There just aren't any winners in these situations. Everyone comes out damaged.
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I never said I am not going to 180 and GAL, it just doesnt feel like "winning" per-say. I will be a better ME no matter what.
I know it's not easy but try to let go of that winning versus losing thought and look at this as a renewal. Don't let this crush you, think of it as a cocoon you are breaking out of to become something new and amazing. I went from being dead inside and literally thinking my life was over to becoming someone with a vibrant, active life full of new people. My GF is young, sweet, beautiful and has a centerfold figure. We have so many common interests it's uncanny. We go to waterparks, theme parks, haunted houses, motorcycles rides, etc. etc. We even collect the same things, watch the same shows and movies. Guess how many of those things I did with my ex? NONE! She didn't like any of that! I'll never forget how I planned a motorcycle trip for our 15th anniversary (we had gone on one for our honeymoon so I thought it would be cool to do) only to have her tell me she wouldn't get on it with me because "if something happens to both of us then what will happen to the kids?" But here's the thing, I don't see my new life as a "win". It's just different. Like I have said here before, one chapter in my life closed and another opened. Is this the last chapter or are there more? Who knows, I just take it a day at a time!
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Im sure to your EX's mind, as warped as it may be, he did WIN, because he got what he wanted.
Make a written list of the things you want. Ask yourself if you can get those from W. If not, then ask yourself what changes you need to make to get on the path of achieving everything you want and leave her in your dust. Keep that list and look at it now and then. WHO CARES whether she thinks she won or not, except maybe her. And if she does think that way, then how petty is she.
