Sandi, I would love if you explained your question a bit more--what are you responding to exactly?
You seemed confused after reading Stosny's book. You come back talking about compassion, resentment, etc. Do you see yourself being in an emotional abusive MR?I'm just trying to see where your head is, after coming back home.
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However, I still have compassion and understanding and it prevents me from feeling overly resentful/angry toward her. It's a strange conundrum for me, because I don't think I should be trying to replace my compassion with resentment (that is the entire problem we are dealing with, from her side). But a lot of times when I try to implement advice I receive here it feels like I should be having "harder" feelings toward her and encouraging my anger.
Let's get one thing straight. Replacing compassion with resentment is not advised. Resentment is never healthy!
I often talk tough and straight to a H that wants to remain in his state of passivity. The nice guy will be drawn to the type of books that talk about showing loving tenderness, compassion, understanding, cooperation, etc. There is nothing "wrong" with any of those things.......when implemented in the right time & place. The problem here is that you have a wife with a wayward mindset. She abuses your tenderness, goodness, compassion, etc.
You want to make excuses for her. Partly, b/c you love her, and partly b/c you think you can work around the controlling, manipulative relationship.......if you show her how much you are committed; how deeply you care about her; show her the attention she craves; manage to have time to GAL while she's at work; and hope to God she'll change......maybe a miracle will come.
(I have to move from the IPad to my computer, so I'll be right back).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
