Can I really do this #3

[Dtrmned]

Nothing really new going on.

Got home yesterday late afternoon and got a decent run in.

W was a little cold and distant. She made sure not to say hello when I came in. I kissed my D and told my W hello.

It has been a nice break, but I feel like I did last week now. A couple of days of peace and my W either needs to pick a fight or find some way to try to justify her agenda and D. Me. I am a rock and a lighthouse. Even though I am still struggling every moment to keep everything together. Woke up fairly early this morning and just stared at the ceiling and I realize more and more every day that I just miss my wife and my friend. I hate that this is happening. I see it in my kids, even though they are generally happy and enjoying their summer, they are still fairly tense at times.

So I am just struggling with the sadness, darkness and mostly just down all morning. Maybe it was just being gone, relaxing for a moment, and then getting back and reality rushes and floods back into the heart and the mind.

I need to focus on my kids a little more as well. Even though it was just for one evening or some reason, I really missed them.

I'm going to try to "act as if" the next couple of days (one day at a time) and act as if nothing bad is going to happen and put it out of my mind. It may just be my expectations on past behavior.

First, I just have to make it through the work day.