Affair, no feelings...is there hope? V

[44tries]

I don't understand. Do you see her as being emotionally abused?

Sandi, I would love if you explained your question a bit more--what are you responding to exactly? I don't see her as being emotionally abused per se, at least not by me, if that's what you're asking. I do not see her as a victim. But I do see her as a person with a lot of emotional pain and using self-destructive mechanisms to deal with it. That is not my problem nor can I or should I help/save her. However, I still have compassion and understanding and it prevents me from feeling overly resentful/angry toward her. It's a strange conundrum for me, because I don't think I should be trying to replace my compassion with resentment (that is the entire problem we are dealing with, from her side). But a lot of times when I try to implement advice I receive here it feels like I should be having "harder" feelings toward her and encouraging my anger. It sort of comes back to my previous comments on feeling like there are two versions of her in my head. I don't know how to internalize the fact that I'm done putting up with her and will be better off without her, without also abandoning the belief that she is a decent human being. I don't know if that makes any sense at all or answers your question.