One area i stuggle with is how im supposed to treat my w. We are still living together but she has already expressed that she doesnt want to stay married. I accepted and we had agreed to work on our communication so that we could effevtively coparent and there wouldnt be resentment and hatred. Its just that ive caught her in so many lies culminating with her applying to rent a house for her and my 3 kids without telling me. Even though we had an agreement in place that when it came time that she would stay in the house so my kids wouldnt be uprooted and they could finish school.
And obviously there is a lot of red flags pointing to a relatuonship with a guy at work. Coincidentally who is divorced, but is not the guy who gave her a referral for a divorve atty in his town. Ya right??? I really had the blinders on.
So after i discovered house application i really couldnt even look at her and would only give a quick one word answer to a question. As i mentioned, things boiled over the other night and i told her that i know what shes been up to and that its disgusting and that she should move out if she wants to live that way. She really didnt respond except for saying that she now wants to do some work to the house. So im wondering how i should treat her while we are still in this limbo stage? Any help appreciated!
You don't have to agree to not resent her. You don't have to commit to any "great communication" post marriage. She is a liar, but expects you to be a great communicator?? Nah.
I'd not use the "co-parent" lingo either (but I really like English and hate a lot of the babble you hear). You're going to be a parent. If you get divorced, you certainly won't be doing anything with your WW.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Accusations and snide remarks make the H look unattractive and powerless. The more you say about the OM to her, the less she'll desire you. Nothing was gained or resolved the other night. The dynamics have not changed. Do not think for a second you caused her to worry by letting her know you "were on to her". She still holds all the power, and she'll continue to hold it until you reach the place you are done fretting over how to treat a W you suspect of having an affair.
Do not be impressed with her coming home and putting on her dutiful act of W and mom. It was not her way of making baby steps.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So just forget her, right? And move on. Treat her like shes a cashier at a store? It was just my anger the other night because i saw the facebook photos, etc. Thank you
Last edited by Cadet; 06/19/1801:01 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
After suggesting to my wife that im on to her and that she should move out, ive seen a change in her behavior. Discussion was Sunday night and Monday she went to grocery store, cooked and cldaned. Also cooked and cleaned Tuesday.
This morning she met with a councilor to sort out whatver she is going thru and im sure her our marital sitch is front and center. We have a couple of trips planned the next few months, my son has a baseball tourny in NC and we will be moving my daughter into college in Sept. College trip booked and i just finished up sons baseball tourny booking. Final piece was deciding if wd wanted to drive or fly. Last week she said that she was thinking about going home early on Wed, tourny ends Friday, so she could save hed vaca time. (Im curious if she was thinking about making plans of her own). Today i found a really good deal on Flights so i texted her to let her know. Her response, minx you as she just got out of therapy, was; "only if you want me to go". My only response was "booked".
I dont know what to make of her change but i know that i asserted myself on Sunday night and told hed in no uncertain terms that if this all blowsup, that its on her and that the kids are staying with me and that im not putting on a unified front facade like she wants. Basically to act like its a mutual decision and that we both wanted it.
Im prepared for anything and im not falling victim to a be nice ploy so that i end up getting stabbed in the back. I hope the therapy and no more Mr. Nice Guy will bring meaningful change. I still love my wife and want to keep our family together. Way too much invested to let it go!!! Even though thats what im doing using the db method#
Go on the Newcomers home page and then click New Topic and start a new thread. Link this thread in the first post of the new one, and add the link to the new one here.
Added by Cadet
How to start a thread
I will use what Job wrote
First Click on Newcomers then:
Originally Posted By: job
Go to the top of the screen and there is a new topic box on the left hand side. Click on it and then you will open the window to create a new subject as well as a posting. It's the same way that you created this thread.
