Gosh, sjohn, I am so sorry you are going through this. And BELIEVE ME, I understand. I am living with a waffler for five years now.
If you have a chance to read my post on DnJ's thread from just now, i was talking about the confusion that seems so obvious in his W's behavior. I see the exact same thing here. I would see her waffling and inability to actually take the action she wants to take as a good thing, if you want restoration, because it's seems obvious that she is in a battle with herself. If all of her wanted to leave, she would not stay in such an awkward and horrible and uncomfortable situation, nor leave her kids in such an agonizing limbo.
Sometimes when I am tempted to want to D, I think about my kids having to be with my H without me and then I feel thankful that he has not left. I think your feelings on that front are spot on.
The only thing I would encourage, just so you can heal, is to take a very short time each day to disappear and do something you enjoy. Not at all to have any reaction on her but to give yourself a little time of space and healing every day. I do this in prayer; if you pray, make sure to make time for that, preferably in a sacred space or nature. But also it could be something like getting up an hour early to go for a bike ride on the river or sit in a favorite cafe reading a favorite book or magazine, just to find something to do each day that is all your own and will give you a chance to breathe without watching her playing head games with her two selves.
Sending lots of compassion and understanding your way.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
