Meanwhile 12 Years Later

[DonH]

I admit I've slept with some men that I knew there was no future with: too young, Love Avoidant, others. But I don't think I've ever slept with someone if I thought I would never be interested in a relationship and suspected they would ( and would get hurt).

Some great points here that are making me think. However, did I say this or imply it? I am very, very careful about this - so much so that I may have missed out on things and certainly gave up sex that was being offered. That has happened so many times - the door was clearly being opened but I knew I didn't want anything more and they did and would really take it hard afterwards. So, no, I don't typically do that.

But why do you think she will get hurt? I'd like to hear.

Are you really sure you wouldn't ever be interested in a long-term relationship with her? If you wouldn't, do you honestly believe she wouldn't get hurt? Or are you fooling yourself by thinking you won't get involved if you would?

I was thinking this myself a day or two ago and here is where my concern is. First, as I've said, I've known her aunt for nearly 30 years and now her parents for several. I'd hate for them to think badly of me - especially if they would be correct! Second, as Ginger said in a recent post of hers, it's as if we can't believe what we are being told - and that goes both ways. She SAYS - her words SAY - she does not want long term or a BF. Then again, is that really true or is she going along with what she thinks I want to hear? I mean, I guess I am being kinda stupid to think she's telling her family about me, responding to my texts and calls and initiating them herself, etc. and not potentially hoping for at least something more.

So, yeah maybe I have been fooling myself thinking she would not get hurt. But then again, she is sort of acting that way. But again, is that just an act to not scare me away?

As for me not falling for her. I just don't think I will. There is obviously an attraction there or I would not be interested. I enjoy her and want to see more of her. But the downsides are just screaming at me. Abuse history, party girl, leading with sex and from what I can tell giving it away pretty freely. But then again, she has two really great daughters from what I can tell and for certain a normal family. That accounts for something as it doesn't happen in a vacuum, but also doesn't mean she is not damaged. I just think I need more. - no I KNOW I need more than I think she can offer.

Have fun but be honest with yourself and her.

I'm rather confident I'm being honest with myself but thanks for more fully waking me up to being honest with her. I already have been. But still, I know how so many women think - he will change, I will change him, he really doesn't mean in. I then think of other women who I've seen do this to guys. One weekend together and the girl thinks they are a couple if not on the way to marriage!

Plus I have been pursing her a fair amount. Heck it was my pursuit that started all of this. I really don't think that happens to her much if at all. Instead, it's just guys trying to get in her pants at bar time. She said it's been a long time since she went on a "real date" like with me.

I'm thinking this could be a fun summer and might even result in her and possibly her parents going on that cruise with me. Beyond that, I just don't see it being a long term relationship. A long term friendship or friendship with benefits - yeah, I could see that. I just don't see love - not on my end anyhow.

What it has also done is shown mean I want something like this and enjoy it more than I thought or remembered. It's really making me want to date or pursue others and I've already started doing that. I feel like I'm getting my mojo back. The very last thing I'd want is to hurt someone that seems to have been hurt a lot in life so far, even more. I'd hate myself if that happened. Regardless of how this progresses - I will keep this forefront in my mind. Thanks for helping to put it there KML.