Advice on my Scenario Pt. 15-Lighthouse Guardsman

[OrangeK]

Well the cycle is a normal part of grief and recovery. The fastest way is not around, but through. You've got to let it happen. There's a book called The Happiness Trap that helped me a lot, one of the themes of the book is there are no "good" or "bad" emotions, they are all a natural part of us and we shouldn't chase what we think are the good ones and shun the bad ones. We should accept them as they come and process them. You are going to keep cycling for a while, I know it's miserable but you'll eventually work it out of your system.

Ill definitely look into that book. Thanks, The only way i can describe how the low point in the cycle feels is, i have fire in my chest, like if i breathe out in the wrong direction i will start an inferno. I have tried to describe the PHYSICAL sensation of rage and anger before, and i have found only other guys who understand what i am talking about. This tangible feeling of raw energy in my muscles and skin. i feel like a vessel trying to contain 150 megatons of energy in a Styrofoam cup. Forgive the nerd reference, but the best way i can describe it is, I feel like a sorcerer who just tapped into his power for thes first time, there is this endless tide of burning fury, then it eventually cools and fades, and i feel great for a few days. Rinse and repeat. for a vision - google Image search "Geek and sundry Phoenix Sorcerer"
Yea. Im a nerd

I went back and read your very first post again. I don't know her and I don't know her side of the story, but someone who commits to M and then engages in an affair mere weeks later has some serious issues that need addressing.

Yes, she does. If you get to about mid way through my Sitch, Sandi, Vanilla and i begin discussing Personality Disorders. I am 99% she is a Cluster B of some type, seemingly a Somatic Covert Narcissist.
Scary stuff. Whether she is AWARE of her behavior and patterns, is a mystery to me.

I question whether someone like her can even feel love, she may be chasing every direction to find it because SHE can't love to begin with. If that's the case then she needs to get to the root of why, and that would take some serious therapy. But you can't help her. She doesn't want your help and resents you right now. All you can do is pull back and remove yourself from the equation. Give her time and space and hopefully she will come to realize she needs help.

In regards to her capability to love, i agree. it isnt there. Not in the true sense. She is always chasing "the butterflies" of a new R, when those fade, she feels she has fallen out of love, and begins looking for a new source. It is an addiction to Limerence.
Again, a key component of Narcissism is the inability to develop true love, empathy or guilt. I believe she was neglected, and possibly sexually assaulted as a child, and then was periodically put on pedestal and spoiled, as an only child. So much dark history to screw up her emotional maturity and development of emotions.
She is emotionally stuck at age 8. Its really sad. She has the potential to be such an amazing person, but thats all her "mask" or "Facade". Once we lived together, and got married, that false front slipped away, I also think when this happens, she cuts losses and bails before she can be abandoned.
She fears being alone, in any way. She has to have a partner, and a fresh one at that, at all times.
I do believe she tried to fight against her nature and stay with me, and make it work for a little bit when she began to see the devalue happening. I even recall her saying once "I would have left you a long time ago if we weren't married with a child"
I believe it will take a really hard, serious loss, or for her to alienate herself to the point of having nobody before she seeks help.

OM is a fool for having an affair with a woman that had only been married for weeks. Either he is just in it for the physical gratification or he's an idiot. Regardless, their relationship is built on lies, secrecy and adultery. Do you think a relationship based on that can last? Highly unlikely. What often happens is the married party gets a D and moves in with OP and all of the excitement of a sneaky affair is gone and OP quickly loses interest.

Well, she also lies and slanders her EX's at the onset of a new R. She did it with me, about 2 of her EX's.
Im sure OM was fed a story from Day one of knowing her, how i am abusive, controlling, take her for granted, and much more. The same spiel i heard in the onset. I remeber saying "Holy Crap, how could any man treat you like THAT?! you are the sweetest, most amazing woman ive ever known!! HAHA! his loss, IDIOT! if he ever bothers you again, ill take care of it"
Double whammy for her, Negative attention and floods of admiration all in one fell swoop.
So OM thinks he is some rescuing hero, saving her and S3 from my tyrannical clutches. Even though she has already contradicted her story to him. (She told him and all her new friends we were already split up and divorcing this time last year, but when i discovered affair in Oct. i had her text him and "Cut all ties" right un front of me. If we had been split for months, wouldn't this be suspect to him??"
I agree if he cant see hes being lied to he is an idiot.
No, i dont think it will last, not for a second, but that fear that it will is HUGE and REAL.
I have this strong need to see them break up, even if her and i never speak again. I feel kinda bad (like 0.00000215%) for OM, he has no idea whats coming in the next 3-5 years.....Poor bastard. Oh well. thats what you get for actively pursuing a married woman with a 3 year old son. F**k him.

I imagine they will move in together once D is final.
I know my Devalue rampped up to full speed when we moved in together.
Once she sees he is a human, with flaws, and not her prefect reflection, he is screwed.
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Thanks Again man. getting all this out really helped.
I seem to need frequent reminders of how treacherous and awful she has been, even if i type it myself.
I tend to fall back on the good memories.

Man, i do miss family Sunday snuggles in bed together, and the thought of OM Doing that makes me want to go grab my sword....(Yes i do own and practice with swords....lol)

Not worth my time