Hey guys. Decided I needed to journal a little. I find myself having to take time off the boards on occasion.
Coly, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to catch up with me. Yeah, this is Ws 2nd time moving out. The first time was a trial separation where we were working on our relationship. This time she is just moving out. Not sure where it will lead. I think you are right about people describing the relationship being better than ever for those that successfully reconcile. It would have to be to even want to reconcile.
Gordie, I agree about the stuff with her dad. How could it not affect her. She even admitted in recent conversation that she though that she had intimacy issues and problems with getting close to people. The hard part about that realization now is that I am at that point where that doesnt matter to me. I know its part of letting go but it almost feels like too much to deal with. I see that those issues are most likely the crux of her issues, but in her state I dont see how she is ever going to work her way through that, and based on how I feel now it doesnt seem to be my issue to worry about anyways. I guess it was never my issue to worry about anyways except that I am conditioned to care about her well being. I know I dont have a crystal ball and dont know what the future holds. I know that it is possible that once we are apart for a length of time, and if she ever came to me with an earnest desire to fix things and is remorseful for her treatment of me that I might feel differently. The idea of that happening just seems like such a fantasy that its hard to imagine it.
W is still moving out. She is taking such a long time doing this it is like torture. She found a place, signed a lease, got the keys, and began moving. She made the decision to move almost 2 months ago and is ALMOST to a point where she can live there. Im ready for her to be moved out. Her slowly moving things from place to place while still being around everyday is very difficult. Not difficult in the sense that her actions are causing me emotional distress, but difficult in the sense that I accepted the idea of her moving weeks ago and am now having to live daily with her still there while slowly moving out. I cant really even start reorganizing the house the way I want until she is gone. I am STILL in limbo. On top of that, I know that I am about to lose my kids 50% of the time. So for now, I really want to be with them as much as I can. To the extent that I dont really want to go do anything while I know they are home. Ive kind of put my GAL activities on hold until she moves out, but I thought that would be done by now. I mainly figured that very soon Ill have a lot of free time and I would do all my personal stuff then.
I am hoping that by this weekend she will be moved out to the degree that she can stay there. Im tired of her sleeping on the couch. I never asked her to sleep on the couch, she does that by choice. I swear, half the stuff she does and decisions she makes I just dont understand. I know her moving out wont solve all my problems, but I spend lots of time with the kids. When we are hanging out and she isnt around, things are easier. I think that Ill be able to move on faster once shes actually out, although I know there will be a hard part at first to get past. I am already anxious to be on the other side of that part and it hasnt even started yet.
