Well the cycle is a normal part of grief and recovery. The fastest way is not around, but through. You've got to let it happen. There's a book called The Happiness Trap that helped me a lot, one of the themes of the book is there are no "good" or "bad" emotions, they are all a natural part of us and we shouldn't chase what we think are the good ones and shun the bad ones. We should accept them as they come and process them. You are going to keep cycling for a while, I know it's miserable but you'll eventually work it out of your system.
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1.) Our relationship was rife with lies from Day 1. It was never what i thought it was. 2.) Why would i even want someone who would do all these awful things to me? 3.) Why would i want someone who put her own needs before her sons? 4.) why would i want a cheater? 5.) I deserve better 6.) She doesnt deserve me 7.) She knew what was going to happen before we even got married. 8.) She lies to everyone around her, family, friends, colleges. 9.) she is Broken, damaged, and is going to change. 10.) SHE IS DONE. SHE LEFT. SHE CHOSE SOMEONE ELSE.
I went back and read your very first post again. I don't know her and I don't know her side of the story, but someone who commits to M and then engages in an affair mere weeks later has some serious issues that need addressing. I question whether someone like her can even feel love, she may be chasing every direction to find it because SHE can't love to begin with. If that's the case then she needs to get to the root of why, and that would take some serious therapy. But you can't help her. She doesn't want your help and resents you right now. All you can do is pull back and remove yourself from the equation. Give her time and space and hopefully she will come to realize she needs help.
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What if OM is really her one and only, and they are together forever?
OM is a fool for having an affair with a woman that had only been married for weeks. Either he is just in it for the physical gratification or he's an idiot. Regardless, their relationship is built on lies, secrecy and adultery. Do you think a relationship based on that can last? Highly unlikely. What often happens is the married party gets a D and moves in with OP and all of the excitement of a sneaky affair is gone and OP quickly loses interest.
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Why wont it stop hurting?
It will, but it takes time and we are all impatient!
