WAW - managing limbo period

[40free]

But regardless, you know she's having an A so that wouldn't exactly be a newsflash anyway.

That's right, I do know of course, but what really wound me up was the fact that she makes arrangements to see him (a) when I'm out for the day being a good Dad taking our son to explore options for his future, (b) on our son's birthday, like somehow that's an irrelevance to her, and then (c) I'm the one that ends up washing the spoils of her encounter like I'm some kind of supportive cuckold. As we would say here, she was taking the p1ss and it made me mad.

Anyway, just clarifying the reason for my original outrage. But as I say, I have moved on. Honest! Good days and bad days..

Your M went on autopilot and you were functioning more like roommates and business partners than H and W. You are both to blame for that. She finally went elsewhere to find what she was missing in the M, and shame on her, that is the wrong thing to do.

Yes, you're absolutely right. We were on autopilot, and that was due to poor communication on both sides. But I've thought about this a lot over the last weeks, and if she really has been feeling disconnected from me for a very long time, as has basically been acting the part of my W for many years, being male and failing to read any of the signs, I am pretty sure my behaviour simply responded to what I saw from her. She withdrew more and more, stopped being affectionate, I stopped trying to be, and it just spiralled downwards from there.

You're right, she is WAS not WW or GGW, but what is frustrating is that had she raised this sooner (more blatantly than just with female signs) we would at least have had the chance to try to work on things inside the marriage. She says the reason she didn't raise it sooner was because she knew it would be the end of us - but she took these decisions about the marriage without me, and then as you say, got what she was missing elsewhere. And now we are where we are - I'm in a whole load of pain, feeling betrayed, lied to, humiliated, punctured self-esteem, wondering if I can trust again etc having had the worst 6-9 months of my life, and have had no choice in the matter. I know that's often the way, but still very frustrating to know it could have been avoided.

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to read through my posts and share your thoughts and advice. It does all help, and it's good to know there's support out there. I really appreciate it.