Why does it have to be a conversation? Just tell her to get the h3ll out.
Have you given him the "doodler 2-Step Plan"?
Ok, that was the Reader's Digest version. Here's the full plan:
1. Get some boxes and packing tape. 2. Present the boxes and tape to her as a special gift and tell her to get the h3ll out. (It can be prefaced with "pretty please with sugar on top.")
Also, it has a much bigger and better impact if you use a Bill Burr accent and demeanor. That's what you're aiming for; make it a Bill Burr routine and you can't go wrong.
So fast forward to today, she had clearly taken this item out of her stash for her meet up with the OM as I suspected yesterday.
Well you don't -really- know that, she may have put them on to take pics, or because she was wearing a short skirt, or just wanted to feel sexy or who knows what. Do you see how much you are spinning just from finding her panties in the dryer? You've got to reign that in!
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So question - given that all these discoveries are eroding fast my feelings of love for her, and instead she is starting to repulse me, and I really am starting to think that I can no longer see a scenario where I will want to get back together with her (even if she does a complete about face this week or in the future), does that change how I can approach the R conversation?
Time to talk you back from the ledge. It's been two months since BD. Two MONTHS. That is nothing. You're in a marathon and two months is barely past the starting line. You don't know what you want right now, your mind is spinning out of control. All you know for sure is you want the pain to end. You see two options- recon TODAY or kick her out TODAY. Of those choices only one is under your control so you want to take it to get back some semblance of control in your life. But I promise you, it will bring you no sense of peace and relief. Only time will do that. You have got to be patient with yourself. Do not rush into any drastic decisions right now, just stop, take a deep breath and settle in for the long haul.
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I mean, if I really am not interested in getting back with her and don't have to just pretend that's the case, is it appropriate to forget validation and 'fake it to you make it', and just take control of the situation and tell her how I really feel?
Do you see the irony in what you are saying? If you don't care about getting back with her and don't care what she thinks, then why would you need to "tell her how I really feel"?
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At the moment all I want is for her to move out as soon as possible so I can get on with my life.
I totally get that, I really do having been there myself. But your recovery is not that quick and simple.
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So, do the DB rules dis-apply if I am not trying to win her back? Or should I be doing them anyway, just in case this is another phase of mine and I may change my mind?
DB'ing is about doing soul-searching and figuring out what you contributed to this, great or small. It's about finding yourself, making yourself a better person, making yourself super attractive, strong and independent. In the end DB'ing works whether you recon or not. So yes, by all means stick to your DB'ing.
It's about finding yourself, making yourself a better person, making yourself super attractive, strong and independent.
How can you do all of that when your spouse is like a big nasty zit on the end of your nose. What do you do with a nasty zit like that? Do you ignore it and treat like a neighbor? Oh hell no, you squeeze that thing until it pops and shoots puss all over the mirror. You can feel the immediate relief; within seconds you're more attractive, strong and independent. You've found yourself, the dude without the big nasty nose zit. People no longer look away when they're talking to you. Life is good again.
I actually think it's a great thing when an LBS can say 'out, out damn Spot
I am no longer plan B. Take that shoddy affair elsewhere, oh I went and got tested for STDs.
The boxes and the packing tape on the stoop. I actually packed the G stuff for him, he wasn't coming back in the FHM. Although he tried many times. In the end I hired a storage locker and put everything in it.
Reality bites.
Do this cold not out of revenge, because it helps you. Do it not to punish or out of anger but because it is right for you and your sanity.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Well you don't -really- know that, she may have put them on to take pics, or because she was wearing a short skirt, or just wanted to feel sexy or who knows what.
Actually I'm pretty certain it was to see the OM. But I have moved on and will only raise it with her if/when I want to help make the case that she should move out when we do eventually have the R discussion. I will indeed try to reign this in and try not to let her get to me in this way. Detaching will help, and you're probably right - I'm not doing as well as I should be on this task. Will try to do better.
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Time to talk you back from the ledge. It's been two months since BD. Two MONTHS. That is nothing. You're in a marathon and two months is barely past the starting line. You don't know what you want right now, your mind is spinning out of control. All you know for sure is you want the pain to end. You see two options- recon TODAY or kick her out TODAY. Of those choices only one is under your control so you want to take it to get back some semblance of control in your life. But I promise you, it will bring you no sense of peace and relief. Only time will do that. You have got to be patient with yourself. Do not rush into any drastic decisions right now, just stop, take a deep breath and settle in for the long haul.
Thanks AnotherStander. I am duly back from the ledge. Another bad day yesterday, and more in control again today. Although Doodler and Vanilla seem to favor the 'kick her out' approach (thanks guys - definitely food for thought at the right time..), in my more rational moments I know that is not the best way to manage this situation. I will continue with my 180, LRT, GAL etc, and stay patient. Yep - it's a marathon not a sprint, I get that. Just hard to see that in the day to day.
_______________________________________________ M47 W50 T-21 yrs M-19 Yrs S17 S15 D12 Found out about A 04/12/18 BD 04/15/18 Admitted A, name of AP and separate rooms 04/29/18 Told kids 07/22/18
Although Doodler and Vanilla seem to favor the 'kick her out' approach (thanks guys - definitely food for thought at the right time..), in my more rational moments...
Well okay then, could I possibly interest you in drawing a mustache on your wife while she's sleeping?
Well okay then, could I possibly interest you in drawing a mustache on your wife while she's sleeping?
Fantastic. I'm definitely doing that. Will report back tomorrow on how it goes!
Not sure what you do for a living Doodler, but if it doesn't work out, you have this marriage guidance gig down to a fine art.
Any more suggestions? I'll make a list and try to hit one every couple of days. Would this count as GAL? It would definitely be 180 for me...
_______________________________________________ M47 W50 T-21 yrs M-19 Yrs S17 S15 D12 Found out about A 04/12/18 BD 04/15/18 Admitted A, name of AP and separate rooms 04/29/18 Told kids 07/22/18
Any more suggestions? I'll make a list and try to hit one every couple of days. Would this count as GAL? It would definitely be 180 for me...
I'm all over that. Here's your next assignment: Go buy your wife some kind of clothing that you know for certain she'll absolutely adore. It could be a shirt, shorts, a dress or whatever. Here's the important part, make sure it's two sizes too small. And the key to making this work is to switch the tags on the clothing so that the tags show the correct size for her, not the two sizes too small that you actually got her.
Go buy your wife some kind of clothing that you know for certain she'll absolutely adore. It could be a shirt, shorts, a dress or whatever. Here's the important part, make sure it's two sizes too small. And the key to making this work is to switch the tags on the clothing so that the tags show the correct size for her, not the two sizes too small that you actually got her.
Two sizes too small. Got it. Keep 'em coming. These are dynamite.
_______________________________________________ M47 W50 T-21 yrs M-19 Yrs S17 S15 D12 Found out about A 04/12/18 BD 04/15/18 Admitted A, name of AP and separate rooms 04/29/18 Told kids 07/22/18
