I get the news from the children of him being on his way.( always last minutes). I used to leave prior to him getting here..Now, we know he will come but do not know when until he is here.
My sense of alert kicks in. Blood start racing and nerves start shaking. I can calm the shaking but i can not losen the fist in my chest. If i feel threaten, my adrenaline hits record high. Boundaries and protecting myself become my priority.. full alert. Once he drives away, i crash.. numb, drained, zero energy. Complete shout down. In need of a long resting period to refuel my energy, my concentration, my decision process..
I had 3 anxiety attack were i had to be hospitalized at bomb..(years ago). With those, i had shortness of breath, fainting feelings, heart pumping out of my chest.
I had 3 hospitalisation from anxiety attact years ago.(bomb) When they happened, i had shortness of breath, the fist in my stomach, the very sharp link to my heart. Heart beating 100 miles/hre trying to get out of my body, faiting sensation from lack of oxygen.. emergency treatment and heart monitoring was the procedure i received.. ic and anxiety meds..
By setting my boundaries (for me) It is still very hard but it is also better than then..
