EricC, I like your first point above. That's pretty much where I've been trying to get to mentally and emotionally. Keeping my ring off has been helpful I think in seeing that I'll be fine without her. I still believe R would create the best outcome for all long-term, but I accept that my belief isn't going to get us anywhere anymore without some buy-in from W. And if she's not even going to apologize for having an affair, I'm not wasting my time pursuing anymore.
I hope I do not discourage you with my next words. You need to get to a less emotional state. It looks to me you are very hurt (understandably so). You need to go beyond that and let bygones be bygones. Focus on doing what is right for you, regardless of her and your R. Definitely stop pursuing, but not because she needs to apologize. Stop pursuing because it is not good for you, because it is pointless, and last but not least because you would respect her decision if she wants out.
Please focus on detaching emotionally. Audit your thoughts and decisions and try to always check: "Am I thinking this because it is true/correct/good for me, or am I thinking it because I am hurt?"
