I honestly don't know what she wants from me at this point. How can she be so attached and needy, but so resentful and contemptuous at the same time??
This is very typical WAS behavior. I know it seems strange to you but it seems oh-so-normal to me having read so many sitches over the years. Here's a list of the things she wants from you:
"_______"
Yup that's right, nothing. So that's what you need to give her. Nothing. Time and space, that's it.
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I really struggle with the fact that she resents me and has so much hurt, because I know I am not perfect and have probably done some very hurtful things, but I feel with her being wayward I am not supposed to have remorse or apologize for anything. I understand I need to regain her respect which may breed attraction, but how will that wash away her resentment when I have not sincerely owned my mistakes and given her a formal apology?
Not sure if you read many of Sandi's posts but if not, please do. Your W is wayward and waywards need more of a "tough love" approach than a WAS. She's having an affair and YOU want to apologize? That will not earn you her respect, she will have LESS respect for you because she KNOWS she's wayward and she KNOWS it's wrong. Do not give her any concessions, your attitude should be that the affair has to stop and until then there's nothing to discuss.
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One strange thing that I am trying not to read into--she bought a book about praying for your husband. The entire thing is daily prayers dedicated to him. I'll admit I'm somewhat hopeful if she has some kind of spiritual connection
I think you're reading too much into it. I mean she could have bought it because she thinks you are at fault for everything and a horrible person and that you need to be saved and maybe her praying will save you even though she doesn't want you. You just don't know so don't lose sleep trying to figure it out.
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I know it is supposed to be a huge no-no, but I have considered suggesting she read the part of the Stosny book for those with deep resentment. Not as a ploy for me or the MR
It doesn't matter whether it's a ploy or not, what matters is what she thinks it is, and she WILL think it's a ploy. So don't do it. You can't fix her, and you really need to quit trying to. It's her journey to make.
