So fast forward to today, she had clearly taken this item out of her stash for her meet up with the OM as I suspected yesterday.
Well you don't -really- know that, she may have put them on to take pics, or because she was wearing a short skirt, or just wanted to feel sexy or who knows what. Do you see how much you are spinning just from finding her panties in the dryer? You've got to reign that in!
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So question - given that all these discoveries are eroding fast my feelings of love for her, and instead she is starting to repulse me, and I really am starting to think that I can no longer see a scenario where I will want to get back together with her (even if she does a complete about face this week or in the future), does that change how I can approach the R conversation?
Time to talk you back from the ledge. It's been two months since BD. Two MONTHS. That is nothing. You're in a marathon and two months is barely past the starting line. You don't know what you want right now, your mind is spinning out of control. All you know for sure is you want the pain to end. You see two options- recon TODAY or kick her out TODAY. Of those choices only one is under your control so you want to take it to get back some semblance of control in your life. But I promise you, it will bring you no sense of peace and relief. Only time will do that. You have got to be patient with yourself. Do not rush into any drastic decisions right now, just stop, take a deep breath and settle in for the long haul.
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I mean, if I really am not interested in getting back with her and don't have to just pretend that's the case, is it appropriate to forget validation and 'fake it to you make it', and just take control of the situation and tell her how I really feel?
Do you see the irony in what you are saying? If you don't care about getting back with her and don't care what she thinks, then why would you need to "tell her how I really feel"?
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At the moment all I want is for her to move out as soon as possible so I can get on with my life.
I totally get that, I really do having been there myself. But your recovery is not that quick and simple.
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So, do the DB rules dis-apply if I am not trying to win her back? Or should I be doing them anyway, just in case this is another phase of mine and I may change my mind?
DB'ing is about doing soul-searching and figuring out what you contributed to this, great or small. It's about finding yourself, making yourself a better person, making yourself super attractive, strong and independent. In the end DB'ing works whether you recon or not. So yes, by all means stick to your DB'ing.
