WAW - managing limbo period

[hongaku]

You are simply being too impatient, 40. Seriously. The LRT and everything that goes along with it is a long term strategy and it is to help you and your personal development as much or more than it is to get your W to notice. And you cannot have possibly been DBing long enough to see real results yet.

You have no control over this situation. You have control over YOU.

That is the hardest thing for all of us in these situations to get through our heads. You have been with your W for 21 years. It took years of your relationship being bad to get your W to this point and this situation is not going to be resolved quickly in terms of heading towards R if you hold any desire for it. I have been with mine for 20. I am only just recently starting to really be able to come to terms with my own sitch. To realize that it is going to take a long time to see any progress, if any comes at all. You cannot control your W.

If you want to make things escalate negatively, get really ugly and end quickly, that is about the only control you have over the relationship right now. You are being too self absorbed to do anything else right now. You need to understand that this is not about you for her; it is about her. You are personalizing everything. And maybe she is being vindictive in some ways, but you do not know that for sure because you cannot read her mind.

You are not yet detaching, that is obvious from your posts. You are full of anger (understandably). You need to slow yourself down and get a grip on yourself before anything else. Go no contact on your end except in terms of absolutely necessary contact regarding the kids only. Do not raise anything with her. Do not speak to her at all unless she approaches you. Concentrate on YOU.