First post here - Reflections two years after BD.

[Chris73]

I am constantly bombarded with messages and advice that emphasize the importance of close interpersonal relationships. It would seem that the secret to happiness and long life is to spend as much time with other people as possible. This has always been hard for me to do as I'm quite introverted.

But in the last couple of years since my marriage has taken a dive, I've been trying extra hard to make changes: Spend a few extra minutes with co-workers at the coffee maker, smile more at people on the train, start conversations in the elevator, initiate get-togethers with friends, call older family members to see how they're doing, etc. Sometimes I feel better after spending time with people. But other times I'm just annoyed and frustrated.

Yesterday was father's day and since I had already spent every waking minute with my kids since Thursday afternoon, I was over it. I kept seeing all these tribute FB posts celebrating fathers & husbands with pictures of dads relaxing with their families. It made me feel very isolated.

Once my kids were in bed last night, I started thinking that maybe interpersonal relationships are not for me. Perhaps it's just a phase, but lately I look forward to being alone more than anything. When I'm interacting with other people I'm happy when the visit or the conversation is over. Most of my hobbies don't require a partner or a group.

Sometimes this worries me. Maybe the more time I spend alone the harder it will be for me to form new friendships and relationships if/when I want to.

Or maybe all the self-reflection and introspection is good for me right now.