Can I really do this #3

[Dtrmned]

FUN day....

W ignored me most of the day. S was awesome, D was a teenager and wanted to be alone.

Here is my question.

Prior to my S and I leaving for a movie, Here is what the W said to me:

W- why are you trying to control me with money?

Me - I have no idea what you mean.

W- You won't put any money in the join account and now that we switched insurance company plans, you did it just to control that part as well.

comment- we switched to an HSA plan that has a debit card for all health insurance uses. They only issued one debit card. I sent all of the information to W during enrollment process and she said "whatever you want to do, I trust you". Now that it is here, it is always interesting and not fun when you switch so there are some glitches. Looking into a 2nd debit card to free that up a bit, but there will be a few thousand dollars in there, it is a debit card, and I'm not sure I want her to have access as it can be used anywhere, just if you use it outside of healthcare, you are responsible.

Me- I didn't know this was how it was going to work, I just analyzed the policies available and chose the best one for our family.

W- And you don't care anyway. You walk around here like nothing phases you and everything is fine.

Me- Would you rather me wallow and be angry, sad, or upset? I am just moving on and accepting your decision.

W- Whatever. I know that I am just going to get bent over and screwed through this deal.

Me- I believe that no one wins in a divorce. That all 4 of us (2 kids included) will lose as this goes through.

W- Whatever, I see a L in our futures big time. I just don't trust you with anything.

Me- I understand how you feel. We used to talk about everything and now we talk about nothing but the kids and the negative parting stuff. Of course you don't trust me and I have a hard time trusting you as we are now on opposite sides. This only makes sense.

W- Well, why aren't you putting any more money in the joint account?

Me- You are just as capable of putting money in there as I am.

W- I have no job.

Me- Whatever happened to you getting one?

W- Thats just mean. I would get one if I was physically able to do that.

Me- You stated you had 2 connections for jobs, said you were starting another one March 1st, mentioned about getting an afternoon job so you could be away from me and renewed your professional license. You are going to have to go to work and now is just as good as any.

W- You just seem to be going through this unphased and it just tells me that you have something up your sleeve. I know you.

Me- Outside of me taking care of our family for the last 20 years, what do you mean by that?

W- That you are capable of anything.

Me- If you feel the need to make me out to be a dark, evil person, then that is your choice. I am who I am. I am the same person. I am done being angry with our financial situation, and I've accepted that your decision on our MR is how you want it to be.

W- I just wish I knew what you were thinking?

Me- If I said or acted differently would that change anything?

W- I don't know.

Had to leave due to S and I's movie time.

W is having some minor flaring up of health issues, is very moody and tired. I don't know what to make of this, but it seems that she is concerned that I am moving on and unphased by anything.

Any feedback?

I have to travel for work tomorrow and won't be back until Tuesday so she has a little break from me ( and I from her). Hoping to see what is up.

Should I talk to her about her airing her concerns?
I know it is the fact that we trusted each other and communicated everything over the last 20 years and now she knows almost nothing and hates not knowing. I do as well, but my GAL, detaching and DB are helping immensely.

And yes, of course she is going to be screwed. She hasn't worked in 15 years, is fully capable of such and doesn't have a resume to get her into a good position. My income is rocky at the moment and that seems to be at my advantage as I see it coming back in the next 12-18 months. Prenup in place so no alimony the only question is custody and child support and just a few financial details. Her car is one of them. She can't afford it without me so she has to get rid of it and get it out of my name.

All of you have said they will get crazy before they get better and when things don't go their way, they will lash out greatly.

Your thoughts and comments and guidance are greatly appreciated.

Best thing....Another week with my family in the same home. Not the best way I would like, but I still have faith.