I'm Broken II

[HelenaJ]

Oops, I must have forgotten the dang apostrophes bc I was on my cell phone. Basically what I said was that the uterus definitely contracts during a female orgasm and that maybe for some women the contractions aren't strong enough to feel but I definitely feel them and orgasm would definitely not be the same for me.

Anyway, was a very long hot day yesterday but the game was fun to watch. They lost 0-2 but I love watching her play, it's always fun. There were 8 of us in my minivan though bc I invited MIL and FIL and D15 brought her friend. Traffic was horrific as is always the case on 95 haha, so, it took us like twice as long to get there as it should have.

My interactions with H are extremely limited but I can see myself getting a little more detached, able to be a little nicer rather than seething resentment. Trying hard to let go and still be able to function...I'm not a depressed person and I usually have plenty of energy but I'm finding myself not wanting to talk to anyone, not wanting to go anywhere, not caring as much if the house is a mess, I just want to withdraw inside myself. My situation is so weird, I'm ashamed. Ashamed that my M has fallen apart and I don't even know what I would say if someone asked me what happened. "I betrayed my H's trust and then he emotionally left the marriage and said he could never give me his heart again"? Is that really my story? Is that how it ends? I feel like there is so much in between but that could simply be justification on my part.

Today the Littles came with me to buy fruit and I got Starbucks for the Bigs to bribe them to wake up haha. Then we made Daddy a fresh fruit breakfast. Next we go to Incredibles 2 and then we spend the afternoon at MIL's little beach or come back here if it's raining. Should be a nice day for him.

Happy Father's Day to all of you Dads who are hanging in there, enduring your personal struggles while trying to do the best thing for your kids. Cheers to you all.