The beginning of a long and painful journey

[40free]

Raw - I've been following your sitch and it is so so similar to mine (take a look when you get chance), and we are at very similar stages. My W hasn't moved out yet (which brings its own challenges), but everything else you describe and your rollercoaster emotions is precisely what I'm going through. Particularly the "where has the woman that I married gone" feeling - I find myself incredulous that in such a short space of time (I am 8 weeks post BD), she has revealed herself to be someone I just don't know anymore.

Of course, the answer is she has been that different person for a long time, but has been acting for my benefit - or rather hers, whilst see decides whether or not she has the bottle to destroy everything we have created together. WAWs I have learned are very good at that, and it takes a lot and and a long time for them to make a decision, and when they do, at that point they are too far gone to be turned. We are in shock, it's come out of the blue (because we are very good at missing all the signs), and are playing catch-up and fast, and its why DB'ing, detaching, giving them space to see whether the grass is really greener as it appears in their heads, is the only way we can have any chance of having them rediscover that person they were when we were first married.

Yep, Father's Day today. My W is up with her parents 'telling them' about our sitch, so I took my kids out for lunch which was really nice. They are blissfully unaware. I feel sad that their world is about the change forever, but if that's the way it goes, they'll cope I'm sure. As will I.

I'd agree with Steve85 though - GAL where you can, but it's too early to complicate matters with third parties, and you also want to be the one with the moral compass and showing your children the right way to behave in this situation. When they are older and find out about this, it will be you that they respect, not your W. That's how I feel, as tempting as it is to start to look around, it's not the right time.

Keep your chin up, keep working on yourself, LRT, detachment, and hopefully your W will realise what she is missing. You sound like a great guy, with your priorities in the right place, and she just needs the time and space to get that. I'm thinking the same about my W, although for me, I pretty sure it's all too late and we're done.

Anyway, best of luck, and I 'll keep an eye on your progress. I'm rooting for you...