WAW - managing limbo period

[40free]

So W is away with her parents today and it's been a good day of reflection for me and time with the kids, which has been fun. The lack of her presence in the house is a relief tbh, and I'm starting to get a feel for how it will be when she's not here permanently. I've done grocery shopping, laundry and a few errands - of the kind she might have done had she been here. I really feel that I've got this, if/when we end up separating.

I did have a bit of a light bulb moment today whilst doing the laundry. I noticed a pair of W's sexy underwear (the ones she has for the OM only) in amongst the basket. Background is that when I discovered the A originally, I told her I had seen she had all this underwear which clearly wasn't for me and could she put it away permanently - if we had to live under the same roof, I didn't want this waved in front of my face daily. And so she did put them away, saying she didn't wear them anyway. So fast forward to today, she had clearly taken this item out of her stash for her meet up with the OM as I suspected yesterday. I don't think she expected me to see them, but now I have, I really want her to know I have. It's clear that carrying on with the A under my nose, on her eldest son's birthday, she really has no respect for me or the kids, and actually the more I think about her and how she has treated me, both over the last year, and over the last 8 weeks, the more I am despising her as a person. She has done me a favour exposing her true self to me, as it really is helping me detach completely and move more quickly to a point where I will actually be pleased when she comes back from trip and tells me she wants to separate.

So question - given that all these discoveries are eroding fast my feelings of love for her, and instead she is starting to repulse me, and I really am starting to think that I can no longer see a scenario where I will want to get back together with her (even if she does a complete about face this week or in the future), does that change how I can approach the R conversation?

I mean, if I really am not interested in getting back with her and don't have to just pretend that's the case, is it appropriate to forget validation and 'fake it to you make it', and just take control of the situation and tell her how I really feel?

At the moment all I want is for her to move out as soon as possible so I can get on with my life. I can't see that I will want to have anything to do with her after that, other than to make arrangements with the kids and of course to work through the business details of the D.

So, do the DB rules dis-apply if I am not trying to win her back? Or should I be doing them anyway, just in case this is another phase of mine and I may change my mind?

I think I know what you'll all say, but I am genuinely feeling like this woman doesn't deserve to be with me, and I deserve better.

Funny - I had a little taste of what might be in a cafe today. I caught a woman looking at me - she looked away when I noticed, but then looked back and held my gaze for maybe a second or two. I let the moment go of course, but it felt quite good having a little spark of interest from someone new for the first time in 20+ years. Maybe there's hope for me after all

Anyway, W is back tomorrow afternoon. I doubt we'll chat then as the kids are around, but Monday is a real possibility, so thoughts before then would be appreciated.

Thanks as always.