Do you see getting a lawyer and seeking custody a contradictive move from DBing? I honestly wonder sometimes if people think DBing is acting like a doormat.
I'm not sure if you're stating that it IS a contradiction, or that it SHOULD be done...?
I'm starting to get more frustrated. I was going to check the mail, she showed up and was picking up S from the sitter. She at first didn't even look at me till S pointed it out. She wouldn't roll the window down. I tried to call her because I needed to talk to her about S appointments. Held my phone up, said "It's important."
She shook her head no, then smiled a little, then she drove off.
I'm starting to get more frustrated. I was going to check the mail, she showed up and was picking up S from the sitter. She at first didn't even look at me till S pointed it out. She wouldn't roll the window down. I tried to call her because I needed to talk to her about S appointments. Held my phone up, said "It's important."
She shook her head no, then smiled a little, then she drove off.
This is some petty BS.
hmmm, BM you have some work to do. I thought you were just going to show up at the appointment. You understand that every time you reach out like this, and she rebuffs, she knows she still holds the power over you. That was the little smile. I am sure it was more a wry, "I am in control" smile. Don't give her that power. That is what detachment is about.
Don't try to talk to her about the appointment, just show up.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I decided to work on the GAL thing. I was pretty upset earlier, so I went for a walk, then came home and cleaned up and then went to see some local bands play. I had fun for a while, but then started to think about stuff, so I came home.
But you know, it wasn't too bad of a night.
I need more options for staying busy. Heh. It seems to help a lot.
And thanks for the advice to turn down information...unfortunately some of my friends just don't get it, and I end up still hearing stuff that I don't want to really know about...usually slanderous things that just make me angry.
But I'm trying to keep on detaching and doing the GAL thing.
Honestly...I doubt it's going to work. I just really wish that it would...so I'm going to keep doing the things and see how it all shakes out.
Quote: Do you see getting a lawyer and seeking custody a contradictive move from DBing? I honestly wonder sometimes if people think DBing is acting like a doormat.
I'm not sure if you're stating that it IS a contradiction, or that it SHOULD be done...?
No, I am not saying it is or that it should be a contradiction. I was responding to you talking as if you saw it as a contradiction, according to your statement in the post.
It's similar to when people make statements like, "I don't know if I should stand up for myself or just stick with DBing". It makes me wonder how they see DBing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
That's what I thought you were saying, thank you for clearing that up for me.
In a way, at least with my sitch, it feels like DB is a contradiction, or at best hit-or-miss. Putting my foot down about our S in the past has yielded what seemed to be positive results (her being more willing to talk to me, her opening up about things, etc.). But lately it seems to have the exact opposite effect (her refusing to talk to me at all, not even looking at me, etc.).
I think that's where the confusion comes into play...sometimes it looks like I'm making progress and sometimes it just looks like I'm making her run away faster.
I did get some good news this morning. Her mom called me and asked if I wanted to keep S tomorrow for Father's Day. She had apparently told her mom that I wasn't trying to help her out with him, didn't want to see him, etc. I told her mom I would LOVE to see him, and that I had tried to switch weekends with her, but she didn't want to (which is completely true).
Putting my foot down about our S in the past has yielded what seemed to be positive results (her being more willing to talk to me, her opening up about things, etc.). But lately it seems to have the exact opposite effect (her refusing to talk to me at all, not even looking at me, etc.).
But did you put your foot down when it come to how she treated you in the MR?
Have you googled how to show male dominance in M? I don't mean read that essay thing, and I'm not referring to H's who beat their W's.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Standing up for yourself is not dominance. Lots of folks get this wrong. As a man you don't have to let your W walk all over you in the relationship. Lots of guys have NGS. It causes your W to lose respect for you, and almost always attraction follows respect.
Our modern society isn't a big fan of gender roles. Which is why these forums are full of MR in trouble because you can't fight biology.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It makes me wonder how they see DBing.