Quote: Change cannot happen in every realtionship or the divorce rate would not be so high if true change occurred.
That's not true. Divorce is change. You just cannot force the change the other person makes.
When you make significant changes to yourself, the partner WILL change. How they do is strictly up to them. At some point, both parties will more than likely reach a decision to grow with their relationship, or get out.
Please understand that Schnarch's approach is not changing yourself to 'get' something from your partner. I think this is what is hanging up a lot of people here. You change for yourself. Period. You make decisions to honor yourself first, as the person you are in the marriage system. The partner at that point has a choice of how to act or react. And part of being 'who you are' in your relationship is leaving it to them to decide what those actions or reactions will be.
In your instance, Jo, your H has gone further and further into denial. There isn't anything you can do about that. At some point, you either have to cave or save yourself. By choosing to 'do' nothing, your H DID make a choice. (A seriously crappy choice, if you ask me, but a choice nonetheless).
