Quote:

becoming a better person. More open and loving.


I'm sure you are just throwing these out as examples but I haven't once heard Dr. Schnarch speak to "outward ideals" like being "more loving". He's talking more about just being yourself, loving yourself, holding true to your convictions, having personal integrity (not outward integrity as popular culture might define it), changing the the behaviors that prevent your partner from growing. etc. He's very careful because ideas like "loving" and "integrity" have various meanings amongst different people. We have to be careful when we try to define what "being a better person" really means and how it affects the relationship. Some people associate being a "better person" with becoming more "christian-inhibited" which in the end would be "less loving" to a partner who likes kinky sex.

Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time -Steven Wright