If you've been following my threads, you have seen that I've been practicing "holding onto myself" with at least 1 exercise per day. This means bringing up a something I would be otherwise scared to talk about in fear of upsetting my W. It's a very tiring process. I irritated her a little last night while I kept my cool.
Some of you think that changing yourself doesn't guarantee changes in your spouse? Well let me give you an update on my sitch as of 10 minutes ago....
My W has been almost annoyingly excessive with the "I love you"s today. I've never told her that saying that was something I liked so I know this isn't in response to any requests I've made. I went out to get lunch and when I came back, my W was lying on the sofa practically begging for a hug and kiss. Ok, it's not sex...BUT it IS completely different than anyway she's behaved in 10 years! It's a change. She's sort of seeming "wimpy" and "needy". Wow...if that's how I used to act to her, then it's no wonder she didn't want to f'ck me.
This might just be a temporary phase, but it indicates to me that I need to really work extra hard to maintain my momentum. The habits I'm learning are great no matter what happens.
You see...180s and trying to change yourself to be more desirable are not (really) what Corri and I are talking about. It's a matter of standing up, holding onto yourself and disclosing yourself to your partner. It's about seeing their resistance as a textbook case of them trying to keep you from differentiating yourself to keep the status quo. It's not conscious on their part...it's some sort of primitive program that takes over. Be yourself, keep a "smart" head, and have no fear.
I think the idea of a 180 is more about clearly asserting your individuality and your own strength. Don't focus on the easy 180s as they are a waste of energy. Go after the hard ones first. Shnarch even says something about how he likes to go after the big issues before the little ones.
Guys, this crap works. Good luck.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
