Thank you LoneWlf, V, Maika and Eric. I have actually been working on V's suggestion of writing up the goals again in my own words, I will post them tomorrow but some other $hit hit the fan today so wanted to vent here first.
As usual I was all set to take Ds out before H could come home so we spend as little time as possible. I bring them back by D6 month's bed time typically.
H was in bad mood before we left, the house was in a mess with 2 kids, he said "put some efforts cleaning it" I said " sorry, its hard in the morning rush leave it as is, I will get back home and will clean up once the kids get to bed". By the time we got back he had cleaned the house so I thanked him and said sorry I didnt have a chance earlier to clean it.
Both the kids were in a nasty mood today once we got back, both of them were crying and I was trying to get them both to sit and feed dinner.
H- I have decided to move out on aug 1, i have booked an apartment.
I - Ok xxxx
H - you are sitting on your @$$ doing nothing about this, i had said I want to move to another state you havent made that happen thru work.
H- it is too late to sell house this year, it will have to be next year now.
I- were you expecting me to look into selling the house? I wasnt aware.
H- No, but you are not doing anything, not willing to talk and move things forward. I am going to f**ing add in the D as a clause that you move
I- what do you want to talk about, tell me
H - Just Call you mother to help you out, i cant stay here any longer like this.
I - my mom is not in a position to come, its fine.
All this with 2 kids crying loudly and I rushing around to get them to start eating.
What i have not told him so he does not feel guilty and not shared on the forum is, my mom has gone into a deep depression over my sitch. For someone from my cultural background, D is not a common thing and there is a lot of worry and stigma about it. She is currently being treated for depression so I talk to her over the phone bare minimum.
I was very upset when she got into this state and couldnt bear the guilt but I told myself I have bigger problems to worry about and I cannot handle how she manages her problems, she at least has my father looking after her.
My LRT and not initiating R and D convos, H is seeing them as not wanting to sort things with him. As much as I know I have to be strong, it is heart wrenching to know that he finds living with me so unbearable that he has to leave the little Ds too.
I couldnt validate or state my boundaries about no swearing, the situation was very tense with the children crying so I just neglected him and started paying attention to Ds.
Am I terribly failing at DB, I know it is to improve myself and I do feel better but there does not seem to be an ounce of change in him. My efforts to save the MR dont seem to be paying off in anyway.
It is just so hard emotionally trying to keep it all together and continuing with whatever normalcy is possible in life. Sorry I am very emotional so the post is very long.