Just Curious, what happens when the LD spouse refuses to do this themselves? Gridlock? Or move on to bigger and better things?
I don't think the differentiated spouse would let the LD spouse off the hook to revert to the status quo. I don't think the LD partner will have a choice but to change or leave and it might get to a point where it is not their choice. If they leave, then they obviously have an "issue" that is worth protecting more than the marriage. They won't leave with the sense of bigger and better things...they will leave feeling defeated by their own issues. But I don't think it would get that far. At some point, when the HD has maintained his differentiation for a while, the LDs issues become isolated and more clearly visible to the LD. At some point the LD is going to say "oh my god...I've got to deal with this, otherwise it will be 'me' who didn't give the effort to save the relationship". If they truly would rather choose their "issues" over the marriage then everyone will have to face those consequences. From what I've seen, PM makes no promotion of "saving a marriage for the virtue of staying married". He trusts that the reader has enough integrity to "do everything in their power" to make it work.
I'm rambling now...need lunch.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
