The title running through this thread is "GROW UP" and that was directed to me (SD) and CeMar by Corri. Now I have a lot of time for Corri and so I have spent all night thinking on this and trying to see where I can grow to be more like the person W would find more desirable. I wasn't going to post anything about it but reading heavyheart's account from the HD viewpoint has fired me up.
Quote Corri "if you want to b!tch for the sake of b!tching, start your own thread and have at it". Well to me one of the most valuable things this site provides is a place to get the vents and bitching off my chest so I can sleep at night and am less likely to take it out on W and in that this site has been a life saver.
Quote Corri "What I hear both you and SD saying is that you both want to control your wives". I have very little control over her. She is a very strong minded person. Most day to day decisions are taken by her and any suggestions I make are usually analysed to death and ruled out. I have made some big decisions myself particularly regarding changing my job and have stood firm against her objections. Fortunately I have been successful enough to keep her off my back about it but I certainly don't want to control her. It would be nice to be able to guide her but I know she will only do things of her own free will.
Quote Corri "Neither one of you, to any strong or lasting degree, has even attempted to change your personal or internal attitudes about yourselves." This is exactly what I would expect an LD to say. It is up to the HD to do the changing and the ultimate change the HD must make is to change our internal attitudes and become LD. I know full well that happiness awaits me with old age because W and I are most definitely best friends. We enjoy each other's company, talk a lot and share the various houshold chores etc and get along fine. Happiness will come when we are both ND and I no longer yearn for the physical touch that I have been missing. The baby steps that LDs seem to make are along the lines of back rubs and hugging and kissing but my W has never given me a back rub or any kind of rub and avoids all kissing except pecks. The best she does is pat me on the arm. I now have a little experience of what it's like to be LD because at the moment I seem to be LD. I suspect it is partly due to the dreadful hay fever I am suffering with and the medication I am using for it which makes you feel "heavy" and slows you down a bit. I can say that the LD state is a lot more comfortable than the HD state. Yes I'm worrying whare my desire has gone but I'm not at all desperate for love, desire and sex like I usually am. Perhaps LD is the new internal attitude I should strive for. SD
