Yes. LBS's new to these forums struggle to grasp the advice being given. They hear "detach" as a maneuver designed to avoid the loss they are facing so they don't have to detach.
My last post didn't address what I think LBS's SHOULD do, only what I consider to be a common mistake of adapting the WAS mentality.
There is a road in which you can detach, set strong boundaries, become a better person, and find purpose and meaning and fulfillment within the chaos of a broken relationship. This isn't about enabling addiction or enduring abuse or demeaning yourself. There's a narrative out there that it takes a strong person to walk away from a bad relationship, when it actually takes a much stronger person to transcend their domestic struggles when their partner is falling short at that time.
From this state amazing transformations are possible, individually at first, and even with the relationship. MWD is about finding this strength and giving the opportunity for some of those transformations to occur. Yes, many LBS's remain weak and cling to an approach and a relationship that isn't functional. But growth comes from experience and failure, so some of that is healthy as part of the process. It may take a few months or a few years before an LBS finds the right path, but it's worth it if they learn this lesson in the end. They grow and may even preserve the family. Filing D isn't true strength, it's running from the biggest character and strength builder out there. Only MWD's road might actually result in the outcome we all really want: A good lifelong relationship with our spouse.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
