First of all, let's not go down this road. It'll get ugly.
I've worked my ass off, honey. I was talking about my H, not about you. And just for future reference, please do not refer to me as 'you LDers.' I'm not a group. I'm a person.
As for what he is feeling, I understand precisely that he is afraid of rejection. My understanding what he fears is not the issue. I know what I said sounds harsh, but if he does not overcome his own fears, there isn't anything I can do to help him without drowning myself in the process.
I am not an ogre. I used to be one, before I really took the time to explore what the world might feel like in his shoes. Damn near brought me to my knees. And for his part, I think my H has tried very hard to do all he can to see the world from my POV. (Poor guy).
But my coddling his fears will get US nowhere. I can be empathetic. I can continue to work on myself. I can also be an adult in the relationship and work on my own intimacy fears... and God willing, my H won't bail me out, either. Cuz if he does, I'll NEVER learn to stand on my own two feet.
We were cuddling in awareness of one another, and agreed to allow our time together to develop however it would, without any expectations attached to it. By doing so, 'pressure' is removed, and helps us to be more open, honest and trusting of one another. No one is trying to manipulate or maneuver anyone. It's very cool.
He came home tonight before he left for his overnight trip, gave me a really big hug, and told me he wished we could do last night over. He would have made different choices. I told him we have plenty of time to practice.
I think that's pretty doggone good. We support and encourage one another rather than blast one another apart. Makes being on the same side a nice place to be.
