The beginning of a long and painful journey

[Parkema]

Rawpain,

I tend not to advice but instead share, straight off the bat there is nothing that excuses her action and crossing the line into waywardness. In all reality she should have had a moral obligation to discuss the issues in the M and quite possibly she did but we being men tend to interpret it as something else.

There is no manual so dont beat yourself up about it, now something must have built up in her to do what she did and retrospectively this is a good place to start your DR journey.
Now the bad news she is in love with this OM, she cant help it there is no control that is the hard truth BUT its based on infatuation and short term gains!
There is a process we ve all been,are going through based on three phases,
Infatuation , I can t get enough of this person I have to be with him/her.
Planning , lets start a family and move in together, we will have the most wonderful life.

Disintegration , the cracks start to appear in their R in much the same way it did with you. Do the wayward learn and never get into phase 3? Well they wouldnt have left their BS and families in the first place if that was the case



If we agree with ^^^^ this then there s hope IF YOU WANT THAT and this is where the principles of DR come into play, first thing is to realise you can t control any of this so stop trying NOW. If you continually chip away at her sense of logic and in the rare case she gives up the OM then it s gone underground, she needs to come back to you on her own accord for it to be genuine it can happen once she realizes that an A eventually turns sour and usually end pretty badly! There are rare cases where they ride off into the sunset but statistically its rare.

Once I realized this I slowly started to detach and GAL and cant stress enough how important that is, I also in a civil way stopped communication unless there was a genuine need, in my case about our kids BUT THAT S ALL.
I am now getting to the point where all the pursuing is done by her, instead Im busy enjoying the time she s given to work on me. The MR is gone never to be brought back to life BUT that s a good thing a new and improved MR can be created.

I feel two aspects of DR are important namely boundaries and space! Learn to let her be and when she comes back and she will decide what you re willing to allow and not allow and stick to these boundaries, this is particularly hard if you re as most of us BH are a typical MNG as Sandi says get your balls back.

Let the process happen and with time and you Dring youll find first peace and then confidence in that no matter what happens youll be okay.

It s hard at first and you won t believe me but it will happen, trust the DR principles and get working.

Mark.