Wow! Well, it isn't often I am at a loss for words.......but at the moment, I can't think of a possible scenario or conversation, if I am understanding what you want. Both of you are seriously attached emotionally, and don't know how to move toward each other or move forward without each other. Both of you are saying you don't want the D. Both of you are angry and blaming each other for getting the D. She wants you to tell her not to go through with it.......and you are being prideful (of all times) and won't tell her. She is being prideful, b/c you won't tell her to stop the D. You are putting the burden on her back, and that makes her more angry at you. That is crazy!
Both of you need professional therapy, in order to make peace with each other.......and to move forward, with or without each other. She did not have the education or the skills to know how to deal with the sexual impotency. She is 35, and probably thinking her biological clock is running out to have children. In some ways, she feels life (you) have cheated her. Do you see what I am saying here? She is bitter. She kept her virginity until she M at 30! That's pretty remarkable in this day & time. What was she rewarded? A H who could not perform sexually, and maybe leaving her childless. In the meantime, you are angry at her for not allowing you to get closer??? I suppose that is code, meaning as to help you in the sex department? I'm not sure. As I told you, my H had impotency issues when we were first M, and like your W, I didn't know what to do, (I'm talking about a girl who had never seen a picture of a naked man, much less seen any type of movie scenes showing adults having sex). I had been very sheltered, was an innocent teenager when I M. Quiet honestly, in my H's attempts to get "closer", it kind of left me feeling turned off........simply b/c I was sexually uneducated and did not know how to help him, and he didn't tell me.....so I just laid there, waiting on him. I thought men just knew what to do, and I never thought about something not functioning. I'm so sorry if I am not being delicate enough b/c I certainly don't want to hurt your feelings. I am trying to tell you that this is nobody's fault. At least, I don't see it. You both are mad and blaming each other.......and it is neither one's fault. As I've said before, your case is unique, compared to the majority of stories we read on the board. That's why I keep saying you need professional counseling.
Neither of you are addressing the true issue, as far as I can tell in your conversations. This has nothing to do with your parents. What she did was not right, but that's not the main problem, and never was. Both of you are talking around the main problem.
This is a sad, sad situation, b/c you love each other. The only advice I can offer is to seek counseling. If she is returning to her native country, then I suppose the counseling would have to be separate. I am just saying that you may have to see a counselor to get guidance in how to accept this situation, if the D is not stopped. As for as a conversation that would help you move on.......I'm not sure I fully understand, b/c you've told her you want no more conversations.......so what are you wanting to really say? Do you want to tell her to stop the D, or do you want to move on?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
