Can I really do this #3

[Dtrmned]

Again, much appreciation to all that are giving their thoughts on this wonderful journey!

Sandi, first I always love your input and especially love knowing from where you are coming from. Yes W was molested by her F when she was young. In addition, as she was trying to recover and rebelling through that in her late teens, after "leaving" her home, she had 2 instances where she was raped. All issues she is still dealing with today and they cause great pain to her.

I am almost certain there is no PA, just due to the health and time issue (not leaving in the evenings or on weekends, stuck with the kids, no time to see anyone else, etc.). There may be an EA, but not certain to this as it may just be a "close" friend that hasn't crossed the line. One other thing I want to mention is that my W hates men. Period. One of her favorite expressions used to be "I ate men, except you baby". If she were to have a PA or an EA, I am almost certain she would jump across the fence and it would be with another woman. Just my thought, and nothing concrete other than 20 years together and prior to this WW thing, knowing who my W is. I also believe that if this happened, that it could not be a long term sustainable relationship.

If/when I discover that a PA is happening, I believe I would be done. I can't swear to that, but I do think that would end it for me. EA's are tougher as they give the fantasy without the reality coming to it. I think Steve said it that reality comes between the sheets or something like that.

And, I might be just imagining this in my own mind. I have no idea. I am just db'ing as much as possible. Trying to not get lost in my head and head down the cheeseless tunnels. GAL as much as possible and look toward the future knowing that with or without my W that the kids and I will be fine.